Parcells and the Dolphins?

What.The.Fuck??

Parcells and Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga agreed Wednesday on a four-year contract to be Miami's vice president of football operations, according to ESPN, which employs the two-time Super Bowl-winning coach as an analyst.

The Dolphins declined comment, only saying no contract has been signed, and no one at Huizenga's business office was authorized to comment when reached Wednesday evening by the Associated Press

It can't be the money, can it? Is The Tuna that desperate to get back into the game? Sweet Jesus in a thong..

What ever happened to dolphin-free tuna? ;p FoxSports has this to say about Billy:

The latest victim of Parcells' squirrelly-ness is the Falcons, who were a victim once before. Falcons owner Arthur Blank is not happy, and for good reason.

Here is Blank's statement:

"Late last night it was revealed to the media by a source outside the Falcons that we were close to reaching an agreement with Bill Parcells to lead the club's football operations. Prior to the information becoming public, we had reached an agreement in principle with Parcells, and we met with him this morning to complete the contract.

"At that time, we were made aware by Parcells that he was considering a revised offer from the Miami Dolphins. He later informed us that he would not be signing a contract with us."
In other words, Parcells leaked the story about his Falcons deal, forcing the Dolphins to pony up more cash. Then Parcells backed out of the agreement with Atlanta and has reportedly agreed to a four-year deal with Miami.

This is the most believable story in the history of sports.

Fucking shit..it IS about the money..The New York Times isn't very nice to Billy either.

Tags: Bill Parcells, Falcons, Dolphins

Roger Waters-Van Morrison-Comfortably Numb

Some damn good slide guitar

Govt Mule and the inimitable Warren Haynes on slide..

The agony of defeat..

Its that time of year again when fantasy football takes center stage because it's playoff time!

I won two games, lost one. I am happy with those results..considering I started out with 6 teams and really only was active in 5 leagues. The CBS Sportsline draft was horrendous..and frankly I doubt I will play their fantasy football again. Fox Sports has real-time free stats, but shit..the bastards have more issues on their site than Bush has soldiers in Iraq. Yahoo seemed to work the best but sadly those bastids want you to pay for real-time stats. Being a cheap bitch, I steadfastly refuse to pay for that information. I don't mind waiting up until 2am to see how a game turned out...really, I don't..

I think Fox's problems are a direct causal effect of them using MS-fucking-N. I mean think about it? What really works on the Microsoft front? They are constantly updating software that is years old and even their new OS, Vista, sucks pond scum unless you are a certified geek.

The worst part of the fantasy football season was how downright shitty my team was in the league I commish in. It's fucking embarrassing to suck so damn bad in your own league. But I have noticed that people don't talk shit as much as they used to on the league message boards, so I will never know what the other members thought of me since no one had the balls to call me on the craptastic season I had...I finished 9th out of 10 teams.

I however run my piehole every chance I get on league message boards. I act like a fucking fool most times. To me, thats the fun of league play..ripping your friends a new one when they fuck up and lose by 55 pts because they forgot to change out their bye players for ones that are actually playing that week. It's not like someone is going to come to your house and beat the shit out of you because you called them a pussy, or my favorite, calling them girlie men because they just lost to a 15 year old kid in Syracuse who wouldn't know Rex Grossman from Drew Brees if his scrawny life depended on it.

So, I hope that at least one of the remaining teams will shine and once again I will be crowned the winner of fantasy football. Its a small joy in my life and mutha fucka, I need something to toss in the ball and chains face when he pisses me off.

Now, can either of my two readers tell me who the football player is in the pic below?

Here's a thought..

Clean out the bums in the Hall of Fame. Baseball has some real jerkwads in there according to this Salon OpEd. I agree with many of them, so lets get started shall we?

First out the door is Gary Carter. Mr. Carter was a worthless catcher who's only claim to fame is the amount of hits he got over his entire career. That is hardley a reason to get into the HOF now is it? The man is a punk-assed bitch to put it mildly.

Second, pitchers who obviously cheated. Don Sutton and Gaylord Perry both cheated their pinstriped asses off.

Perry even titled his book about his favorite method of cheating "Me and the Spitter" 
for Christ's sake!

This is all tongue in cheek of course..but the rest of the Salon article is about the same I think..check it out if your needing a smirk on this Monday morning.

Cards deal Jim Ed to Padres for a bag of balls

They also sent a lovely $1 million large along to San Diego as well..wtf? The deal has to be approved by MLB since thats a large number with plenty of zeros. H/T to Bruce a lifelong Cards fans for letting me know about this late Friday evening.

The Cards did get a player..if you can call him that..he's 24, plays third and he's still in A-ball..not a good sign. Of course Jim Ed had the shittiest year of his career last year after two rounds of off season surgery, and he's in the last year of a $19 million dollar payday. He's pushing 40 and there is a LOT of ground to cover in PetFood's center field my dear reader...lots and lots of ground. Edmonds is due $19 Million this season and the cheap-ass Padres..well, they are the cheap-ass Padres..nuff said.

Three OF'ers told the cheap-ass Padres to kiss off this week: Milton Bradley, Mikie Cameron and the Japanese outfielder Kosuke Fukudome, who signed with the Chicago Cubs.

If that doesn't clue you in to how cheap the fucking Padres are..nothing will mutha fucka. Bradley has an IQ of a dandelion and would rather play for the Rangers, Cameron has a 25 game drug suspension hanging over his gourd for the start of next year and Kosuke obviously understands the value of the American dollar is in the shitter, so he took the highest offer from an even crappier team.

Ah..baseball, ya gotta love it.

Tags: Jim Edmonds, Milton Bradley, Mike Cameron, Kosuke Fukudome

Mo Vaughn used roids??

The only thing small about Mo is probably his testes...
He must of thought he could get high off them..My favorite picture of that fat bag of shit.

Roger Clemens used HGH and steroids per Mitchell report.

(AP-Picture of Roger Clemens and McNamee)
The following is directly out of the Mitchell Report, available on MLB.com's website:

Toward the end of the road trip which included the Marlins series, or shortly after the Blue Jays returned home to Toronto, Clemens approached McNamee and, for the first time, brought up the subject of using steroids. Clemens said that he was not able to inject himself, and he asked for McNamee’s help.

Later that summer, Clemens asked McNamee to inject him with Winstrol, which Clemens supplied. McNamee knew the substance was Winstrol because the vials Clemens gave him were so labeled. McNamee injected Clemens approximately four times in the buttocks over a several-week period with needles that Clemens provided. Each incident took place in Clemens’s apartment at the SkyDome. McNamee never asked Clemens where he obtained the steroids.

During the 1998 season (around the time of the injections), Clemens showed McNamee a white bottle of Anadrol-50.386 Clemens told McNamee he was not using it but wanted to know more about it. McNamee told Clemens not to use it. McNamee said he took the bottle and gave it to Canseco.387 McNamee does not know where Clemens obtained the
Anadrol-50.

According to McNamee, from the time that McNamee injected Clemens with Winstrol through the end of the 1998 season, Clemens’s performance showed remarkable improvement. During this period of improved performance, Clemens told McNamee that the steroids “had a pretty good effect” on him. McNamee said that Clemens also was training harder and dieting better during this time.

In 1999, Clemens was traded to the New York Yankees. McNamee remained under contract with the Blue Jays for the 1999 season. In 2000, the Yankees hired McNamee as the assistant strength and conditioning coach under Jeff Mangold. According to McNamee, the Yankees hired him because Clemens persuaded them to do so. In this capacity, McNamee worked with all of the Yankees players. McNamee was paid both by the Yankees and by Clemens personally. Clemens hired McNamee to train him during portions of several weeks in the off-season. McNamee also trained Clemens personally for one to two weeks during spring training and a few times during the season. McNamee served as the Yankees’ assistant strength and conditioning coach through the 2001 season.

According to McNamee, during the middle of the 2000 season Clemens made it clear that he was ready to use steroids again. During the latter part of the regular season, McNamee injected Clemens in the buttocks four to six times with testosterone from a bottle labeled either Sustanon 250 or Deca-Durabolin that McNamee had obtained from Radomski. McNamee stated that during this same time period he also injected Clemens four
to six times with human growth hormone he received from Radomski, after explaining toClemens the potential benefits and risks of use. McNamee believed that it was probably his idea that Clemens try human growth hormone. Radomski instructed McNamee how to inject human growth hormone. On each occasion, McNamee administered the injections at Clemens’s apartment in New York City.

McNamee said that he and Clemens did not have any conversations regarding performance enhancing substances from late 2000 until August 2001. McNamee did, however train Clemens and Andy Pettitte during the off-season at their homes in Houston. Clemens often invited other major league players who lived in the Houston area to train with him. McNamee’s training relationship with Clemens and others has been described publicly.

Its pretty pathetic this entire report. I just spent a couple of hours slogging through it. The Clemens material is culled from a section devoted exclusively to him which starts on roughly page 167 of the report.

Tags: Clemens used HGH and steroids, Roger Clemens, HGH,Steroids in Baseball
Mitchell report

Mitchell, steroids and baseball..

MLB.com has the full report online here in PDF format. Some high/lowlights:

Mitchells recommendations for MLB:

(1) Major League Baseball must significantly increase its ability to investigate allegations of use outside of the testing program and improve its procedures for keeping performance enhancing substances out of the clubhouse;

(2) there must be a more comprehensive and effective program of education for players and
others about the serious health risks incurred by users of performance enhancing substances; and

(3) when the club owners and the Players Association next engage in collective bargaining on the joint drug program, I urge them to incorporate into the program the principles that characterize a state-of-the-art program, as described in this report.

The report is over 400 pages long..its going to take time to digest this sucker. But Mitchell did say that all 30 teams have or had steroid users on their teams.

Eric Gagne and Paul Lo Duca were among other current players named in the report, both linked to Human Growth Hormone. From ESPN's writeup:

Mitchell and his staff interviewed former New York Mets clubhouse attendant Kirk Radomski four times. Radomski identified a number of former and current MLB players he said he sold steroid and Human Growth Hormone to. Checks and money orders, mailing receipts or shipments, statements of other witnesses were used to back up Radomski's allegations. Much of this was found in Radomski's seized telephone records.

They got 'the goods' on many of the players, i.e., checks and money orders, who still refused to speak with Mitchell. Mitchell's investigation found that some players had advanced notice regarding upcoming drug tests, which is total bullshit. Jason Giambi was the only player involved in the BALCO case to speak freely with Mitchell about steroid use. From the report:

"Concerning BALCO and Major League Baseball I requested interviews of all the major league players who had been publicly implicated in the BALCO case: Marvin Benard; Barry Bonds; Bobby Estalella; Jason Giambi; Jeremy Giambi; Armando Rios; Benito Santiago; Gary Sheffield; and Randy Velarde. Jason Giambi agreed to be interviewed, and Randy Velarde provided information through his attorney. All the other players implicated in the BALCO case refused my requests to be interviewed or did not respond to them. Gary Sheffield initially declined my request for an interview. Sheffield later said that he would agree to an interview, subject to the availability of his lawyer who was undergoing medical treatments."

Damn..wotta trip. Check this out from page 290 about one of the American doctors involved:

Dr. Claire Godfrey, an Orlando obstetrician, also pleaded guilty; she said that she was directed by Signature Pharmacy executives to several Florida rejuvenation clinics that faxed prescriptions for her signature knowing that she would never examine the customers.457 Within a six-month time period, she wrote approximately $1.3 million worth of prescriptions and earned $200,000.458

You know that the doctors giving up their 'clients' is the most damning evidence I would think. Clemens is nailed for roid use big time per ESPN, which I am watching now.

Mitchell report will be released within the hour

According to ESPN three names are already dropped:

The Rocket
Andy Pettitte
Tejada

I will put up anything that sounds interesting since I am watching it on ESPN. Buddy-boy Selig plans his very OWN announcement after Mitchells. So..stay tuned..

From SI we get this:
Former American League MVP Miguel Tejada is mentioned in the Mitchell Report, due to be released by 2 p.m. on Thursday afternoon, SI.com has learned.

Orioles second baseman Brian Roberts also is in the report, as are seven-time Cy Young winner Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Chuck Knoblauch, Mike Stanton and Jason Grimsley.

One or two other Yankees are expected to be named on the list as well.

Tejada spent the past four seasons with the Orioles and was acquired in trade by the Astros this week for five players.

ESPN.com first reported Clemens and Pettitte as being in the Mitchell Report.

Can we do this with Baseball players?

So they don't fear a pitcher?



Obviously in Japan..they have a lot of time on their hands to do this shit..From Reuters:

Dec. 12 - Japanese scientists create a mouse which is never afraid of its mortal enemy, the cat.

The mice have been genetically modified to get rid of certain smell receptors in their brains which react to the odours of cats. Usually mice freeze and play dead when they smell a cat, but these mutant mice just go about life as usual.

Vick gets 23 months..

Ol Mikie won't be tossing the pigskin for 23 months..at least. Vick and three buddies still face trial on state dogfighting charges in Virginia. They are accused of torturing and killing dogs and promoting dogfights -- all felonies that carry five-year maximum sentences in VA. From CNN:

Vick was dressed in a black-and-white striped prison suit and apologized to the his family and to the judge.

"You need to apologize to the millions of young people who looked up to you," responded U.S. District Judge Henry E. Hudson.

Vick also acknowledged he used "poor judgment" and added he was ready to accept responsibility.

Poor judgment? You fucking clown..its apparent you do not value life and all you can say is that you used poor judgment? Wotta tool..bye bye Michael..don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya fool. You have loved the 'sport' of dogfighting since you were a kid. YOu knew it was wrong, it was illegal and it was heinous. My only hope is that someone makes you their girlfriend whilst you cool your heels in a prison.

MLB's Mitchell report due out..

On the heels of Barroids case hitting the court docket, seems the Mitchell Report is due soon:

Baseball is about to get its official boxscore on the Steroids Era.

It's the Mitchell Report, the findings of former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell's 20-month investigation into performance-enhancing drug use that has tarnished some of the game's greatest stars and records.

It's due out next week, possibly Thursday, and while critics are sure to claim it's one-sided and outdated, it has given players and executives cause for pause and led some to fear a modern-day Black Sox scandal.

"Well, it ain't Merry Christmas or Happy New Year for somebody," Cincinnati Reds manager Dusty Baker said.

I don't know about that Mr. Baker..bet its pretty weak..but we will see..

Barroid pleads not guilty..

I am sure no one expected him to come clean..but like Marion he will be brought down as long as the Federal Prosecutor's have done their fucking homework. From Sportsline:

Barry Bonds let one of his six lawyers say the words: "Not guilty." No courtroom drama, no surprises. Flanked by an entourage of lawyers and family members, baseball's home run king smiled, waved and made eye contact with fans Friday as he made his first court appearance since being charged with lying under oath about using steroids. Bonds' new lawyer entered a not guilty plea in U.S. District Court to the four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice contained in the Nov. 15 indictment. Afterward, defense attorney Allen Ruby didn't waste any time, saying he would soon ask a judge to toss out the case because of "defects" in the indictment. He declined to elaborate. If convicted, legal experts say Bonds could spend up to 2½ years in prison.

Interesting Bonds didn't say the words..his flunkies did.

Detroit rocks with trade

Frankly, I couldn't believe that any other team didn't try to muscle in on this deal. Miggy and Dontrelle to the Tigers is a win-win for those boyz in D-town. The Marlins got some prospects and an old catcher..of course the owner of the Marlins got even more..his total team payroll will now be roughly 10% of that of the Yank$..god knows that fuckwit only cares about the cash that lands in his pocket. If Jeffrey Loria could be hog-tied and drug behind a truck for 3000 miles..I think you would find some very happy baseball fans in Marlin-ville.

The Padres might be willing to cough up $52 Million to make Jake Peavy happy. I really can't believe that since the owner, John Moores, is a notorious tightass and the fuckwit known as Kevin Towers seems to enjoy picking up worthless players off the waiver wire and telling the fans that he got a fabulous deal for a worthwhile player..

MLB's Veterans HOF committee selections..

lol..Marvin got snubbed again ;) Bowie Kuhn got in as did former Dodgers owner Walter O'Malley, managers Dick Williams and Billy Southworth and ex-Pirates owner Barney Dreyfuss.

Manager Whitey Herzog and umpire Doug Harvey each missed induction by a single vote-Dont it suck to be them today..Poor Whitey..

Former MLBPA shuckster..aka lawyer Marvin Miller whined when he heard the news:

"I think it was rigged, but not to keep me out. It was rigged to bring some of these (people) in. It's not a pretty picture," Miller said by telephone after being informed of the results by The Associated Press. "It's demeaning, the whole thing, and I don't mean just to me. It's demeaning to the Hall and demeaning to the people in it."

Fuck you very much Marvin..thats the breaks because it basically IS a popularity contest dude..

What..a...game!

Good football game last nite..what's that? You didn't get to watch it?

Blame the NFL and their grand plan to control all things football. Don't blame your cable company who is taking most of the blame for this bullshit.

It was a good game..Brett Favre was knocked out in the first half. His replacement did an admiral job although they still lost by 10 points. From SI.com:

NFL fans who missed the Cowboys' 37-27 shootout win on Thursday night really missed something. It was a big-play-strewn and wildly entertaining game that had a little bit of everything -- including an injury that knocked the indestructible Brett Favre from the field in the first half.

If you didn't get to watch it, you weren't alone. Only a scant 30 million got to watch Tony Romo toss a shit-load of TD's. I had to drive to San Diego to watch the game..funny how that trip worked out timing wise.. but as I said..its not your cable company's fault that the NFL is holding a gun to their head.

Of course I have both QB's in several of my fantasy leagues..it was a bittersweet night to say the least..

Sean Taylor passes

It's a sad day when a young man dies and the press goes after his past. Sean Taylor wasn't a faceless, nameless black man. We welcomed him into our homes every Sunday via our TV's. We marveled at his strength and agility. Yes, young black men die in senseless violence every day in our country..but Sean wasn't a stranger..and so we mourn him and think of what might of been..at least some of us do.

Rest in Peace Sean. I hope your child and fiance' are taken care of.

The HOF candidates..

This year, Sportsline sees the following players as front runners for the MLB Hall of Fame:

Tim Raines and David Justice head 11 first-time candidates on the baseball writers' 2008 Hall of Fame ballot, joining Mark McGwire, Rich Gossage, Jim Rice and 11 other holdovers.

McGwire, his candidacy hurt by suspicions of steroids use, was selected on just 23.5 percent of ballots when he was eligible for the first time in 2007.

When Cal Ripken Jr. and Tony Gwynn were elected in January, Gossage fell 21 votes shy of the necessary 75 percent and Rice was 63 votes short. Rice is on the ballot for the 14th time and Gossage for the ninth.

Players can be on the Baseball Writers' Association of America ballot for up to 15 years.

Gossage's percentage increased from 64.6 in 2006 to 71.2 in 2007, while Rice's declined from 64.6 to 63.5.

The highest percentage for a player who wasn't elected in a later year was 63.4 by Gil Hodges in 1983, his final time on the ballot.

Raines was a seven-time All-Star who played 23 seasons and batted .294 with 2,605 hits and 808 steals, fifth on the career list. He was the 1986 NL batting champion. Justice was the 1990 NL Rookie of the Year and a three-time All-Star. He had a .279 average, 305 homers and 1,017 RBIs in 14 seasons.

Brady Anderson, Rod Beck, Shawon Dunston, Chuck Finley, Travis Fryman, Chuck Knoblauch, Robb Nen, Jose Rijo and Todd Stottlemyre also are first-time candidates. The five-year waiting rule was waived for Beck, who died June 23. Other holdovers (with their 2007 vote percentages) include Andre Dawson (56.7), Bert Blyleven (47.7), Lee Smith (39.8), Jack Morris 202 (37.1), Tommy John (22.9), Dave Concepcion (13.6), Alan Trammell (13.4), Dave Parker (11.4), Don Mattingly (9.9), Dale Murphy (9.2) and Harold Baines (5.3).

Rijo retired after the 1995 season and appeared on the 2001 Hall ballot, when he received one vote. He then returned to the major leagues and pitched for Cincinnati in 2001 and 2002, making him eligible to go back on the ballot.

Reporters who have been in the BBWAA for 10 or more consecutive years are eligible to vote, and the totals will be announced Jan. 8. Rickey Henderson tops the players who will be eligible for the first time on the 2009 ballot. Results of balloting for managers, umpires and executives by the newly reconstituted Veterans Committee will be announced Dec. 3 at the winter meetings.

I am fond of da Goose. I heart that man. Henderson was a great lil second tier player. I hope most of these guys get a shot..if not..there is always next year for most of em. As for Big Mac..fark him.

Those are some pricey pooches eh Vick?

The prosecutor in Vick's federal case is asking the judge to set aside almost a million large to pay for the care and feeding of the 50+ dogs removed from Vick's VA estate. In the request, the prosecutor cites that Vick's earnings potential has taken a..cough..direct hit and he has plenty of creditors going after what little he has left. The SI writeup also lists other creditors that want their pound of flesh. Here is Jon Stewarts take on Vick:


The Phillies Jimmy Rollins beat out Matt Holliday for NL MVP Tuesday. I really thought Matty was a sure thing..but that said..there isn't a sure thing in voting or sports is there?

I asked the question Monday; WTF is wrong with Philip Rivers? Guess I ain't the only one asking that question. The SI writeup rips Norvie a new one six ways from Sunday; When the San Diego Chargers hired Norv Turner to be their head coach, they had to know that he lacked charisma, leadership skills, motivational abilities and the winning touch. But they could be sure that he was qualified for the job in at least one respect: He understood how to develop a young quarterback as well as anybody.

As I posted this week on one of my fantasy teams bulletin boards..I do hate Norvie with every fiber of my being. Wonder if I offered Schottenheimer a bj if he would consider coming back to coach the Chargers...probably not.