Monday, December 31, 2007 | By: Unknown

Football news..Billick fired..Parcells cleans house..

Raven's wasted no time in shitcanning Brian Billick. Hopefully the GM won't be far behind..

Who ya kissing now Brian?

The Tuna started work this past week and already dumped the following:

GM Randy Mueller
Assistant director of player personnel Mike Baugh
College scouting coordinator Rick Thompson

Everyone else is expendable too..God help ya Parcells, it can't be an easy job..but knew that right?

Who gets in the HOF and why..a voters perspective

It's according to a Sports Illustrated writer, but it is an interesting overview of his ballot and why he votes as he does. The writeup also tells us who is on the ballot this year. His picks for the HOF:

1. Rich Gossage.

2. Jack Morris

3. Andre Dawson

4. Rice

5. Dave Concepcion

6. Dave Parker

Its a decent list..check out the article to see who is close but no cigar and those who should never get the nod.
Sunday, December 30, 2007 | By: Unknown

Pats win..bfd.

It was a good game by most standards..Eli listened to his big brother evidently and you know how it turned out.

For a take on the year in King Kaufman's Salon writeup here.

The ball and chain is in the playoff in my own league today. I tried to give him a few tips, but seing as how I finished at the bottom of my own fucking league..he wisely told me to shut the fuck up.

I did however win one's not a total loss.
Saturday, December 29, 2007 | By: Unknown

Leyritz fucks up big time.

Man, haven't you learned anything dude?

Leyritz was charged with DUI manslaughter and DUI property damage, said Detective Kathy Collins, Fort Lauderdale police spokeswoman. He posted the $11,000 bond and was released from Broward County jail.

Police believe alcohol was involved in the crash, though investigators are awaiting results of blood alcohol tests, Collins said.

Jimmy refused to blow for the cops. They still got a blood test. Of course if she wasn't wearing a seatbelt, it would be a tough case to prosecute on manslaughter I think..but maybe not. Photo is his mugshot.
Thursday, December 27, 2007 | By: Unknown

Prior a Padre? jeez..

At least it was only a one year contract. Lets pray he actually plays this year ummkay? He last pitched for the Chicago Cubs in 2006, when he made nine starts and went 1-6 with a 7.21 ERA.

His last good year? 18-6 with a 2.43 ERA in 2003.

Kevin Towers also signed another surgery guy..Randy Wolf. Why does Towers still have a friggin job with the Padres? Does he have pictures of John Moores fucking the neighbor's dog or something?

In other news, Roger Clemens' attorneys are earning their keep by investigating the allegations against The Rocket..good luck with that..seriously. Most of the information in the Mitchell report was unfounded 'he said' type of bullshit. No smoking guns, although I do have a tendency to believe it..why? Because the guy bulked up and seemed to get better with age..ala Barroid Bonds..but if they can prove otherwise..more power to em, I just don't see how you counter such allegations. It would be nice if someone had proof Roger bought HGH or roids in my book.

In other drug news..MN Vikings player Darrion Scott was popped for pot. Favorite line in the article:

"He asked the officers, 'Don't you know who I am?"' Carpenter said. "They cut him a break by not placing him in handcuffs."

Tuesday, December 25, 2007 | By: Unknown

Clemens talks to 60 Minutes..

According to TVNewser anyway:

Clemens to Talk Steroids on 60 Minutes

The Associated Press reports that Roger Clemens has granted his first television interview after the George Mitchell steroids report announcement with Mike Wallace of 60 Minutes. Clemens is one of the highest profile MLB players implicated in the report, and has denied any steroid use.

Clemens made the video announcement about the 60 Minutes interview on his web site.

"After Christmas, I'm [going to] sit down with Mike Wallace of 60 Minutes and I'll do an interview and he'll ask me a ton of questions on the subject and I'll answer them right there in front of him and we'll do all this again," he said. "I'm angry about it, to be honest with you. It's hurtful to me and my family."

CBS confirmed the interview is scheduled to air on January 6.

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Monday, December 24, 2007 | By: Unknown

best Synchronized Xmas lights..

And he used the same tune as the Miller Lite commercial..trippy.

This display was the work of Carson Williams, a Mason, Ohio, electrical engineer who spent about three hours sequencing the 88 Light-O-Rama channels that controlled the 16,000 Christmas lights in his annual holiday lighting spectacular (from Christmas 2004). His 2005 display includes over 25,000 lights that he spent nearly two months and $10,000 to hook up. So that the Williams' neighbors aren't disturbed by constant noise, viewers driving by the house are informed by signs to tune in to a signal broadcast over a low-power FM radio station to hear the musical accompaniment.

Well, I pulled one outta my ass..

I was losing both fantasy finals as of last night. I figured I was toast in both leagues since my bench players had more points than my active players..

wrong pigskin breath..

I won in the one league I figured I didn't have a snowballs chance in hell. Funny how that shit turns out.

Have a Happy Holiday and a Merry-fucking-Christmas if your into that sort of thing..
Sunday, December 23, 2007 | By: Unknown

Oh, yeah..I wanna be that..

King Kaufman is a good read

I always appreciated Rich on SC, as much as Olbermann or Dan..From the pages of King:

Rich Eisen's "Total Access: A Journey to the Center of the NFL Universe," is a breezy, entertaining look at the first few years of the NFL Network, where Eisen hosts the flagship show, "NFL Total Access."

Eisen, 38, takes the reader through an NFL year, which both ends and begins again at the Super Bowl. Along the way he tells stories, none of which reveal any breathtaking secrets, but most of which are good for a laugh. You probably didn't know that NFL all-stars at the Pro Bowl in Hawaii spend a whole week trying to find out each other's room numbers so they can run up charges. Now you do.

The NFL Network may or may not be the center of the NFL universe, but it's certainly the nexus of coverage. Nowhere else can football wonks get live looks at the scouting combine and spring workouts. But what interests Eisen, who grew up on Staten Island with baseball as his favorite sport, is the NFL as a lifestyle.

Check out the rest of Kaufman at the linkage above.
Friday, December 21, 2007 | By: Unknown

Our Fuckwit of the week-Papelbon this man retarded?

The World Series ball is gone, and Jonathan Papelbon has an excuse: My dog ate it. The Red Sox closer insists it happened to the souvenir from the final out of Boston's sweep this year.

Really, Papelbon blamed it on his bulldog, Boss.

"He plays with baseballs like they are his toys," Papelbon told the Hattiesburg (Mississippi) American. "He jumped up one day on the counter and snatched it. He likes rawhide. He tore that thing to pieces. Nobody knows that. I'll keep what's left of it."

No one ever said you have to have an ounce of intelligence to be a pitcher..

Bonds attorneys might have conflict of interest

Not that it breaks my lil black heart one damn bit, but there it is:

The judge called the hearing to decide whether the lawyers can still work for Bonds even though they previously represented other athletes who testified in the government's investigation into performance-enhancing drugs.

In court papers made public Thursday, federal prosecutors identified Bonds' new attorney, Cris Arguedas, as having represented disgraced track star Tim Montgomery and football players Chris Cooper, Chris Hetherington and Tyrone Wheatley, all of whom testified before the grand jury.

In addition, lead attorney Allan Ruby represented Bonds' personal surgeon, Dr. Arthur Ting, when he was called before a grand jury.

"Dr. Ting is likely to be a witness for the government at trial," the government's court filing stated.

Poor Barroid..he just can't catch a break can he? tsk..tsk..

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Thursday, December 20, 2007 | By: Unknown

Parcells and the Dolphins?


Parcells and Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga agreed Wednesday on a four-year contract to be Miami's vice president of football operations, according to ESPN, which employs the two-time Super Bowl-winning coach as an analyst.
The Dolphins declined comment, only saying no contract has been signed, and no one at Huizenga's business office was authorized to comment when reached Wednesday evening by the Associated Press

It can't be the money, can it? Is The Tuna that desperate to get back into the game? Sweet Jesus in a thong..

What ever happened to dolphin-free tuna? ;p FoxSports has this to say about Billy:

The latest victim of Parcells' squirrelly-ness is the Falcons, who were a victim once before. Falcons owner Arthur Blank is not happy, and for good reason.
Here is Blank's statement:
"Late last night it was revealed to the media by a source outside the Falcons that we were close to reaching an agreement with Bill Parcells to lead the club's football operations. Prior to the information becoming public, we had reached an agreement in principle with Parcells, and we met with him this morning to complete the contract.
"At that time, we were made aware by Parcells that he was considering a revised offer from the Miami Dolphins. He later informed us that he would not be signing a contract with us."
In other words, Parcells leaked the story about his Falcons deal, forcing the Dolphins to pony up more cash. Then Parcells backed out of the agreement with Atlanta and has reportedly agreed to a four-year deal with Miami.

This is the most believable story in the history of sports.

Fucking IS about the money..The New York Times isn't very nice to Billy either.
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Roger Waters-Van Morrison-Comfortably Numb

Tuesday, December 18, 2007 | By: Unknown

The agony of defeat..

Its that time of year again when fantasy football takes center stage because it's playoff time!

I won two games, lost one. I am happy with those results..considering I started out with 6 teams and really only was active in 5 leagues. The CBS Sportsline draft was horrendous..and frankly I doubt I will play their fantasy football again. Fox Sports has real-time free stats, but shit..the bastards have more issues on their site than Bush has soldiers in Iraq. Yahoo seemed to work the best but sadly those bastids want you to pay for real-time stats. Being a cheap bitch, I steadfastly refuse to pay for that information. I don't mind waiting up until 2am to see how a game turned out...really, I don't..

I think Fox's problems are a direct causal effect of them using MS-fucking-N. I mean think about it? What really works on the Microsoft front? They are constantly updating software that is years old and even their new OS, Vista, sucks pond scum unless you are a certified geek.

The worst part of the fantasy football season was how downright shitty my team was in the league I commish in. It's fucking embarrassing to suck so damn bad in your own league. But I have noticed that people don't talk shit as much as they used to on the league message boards, so I will never know what the other members thought of me since no one had the balls to call me on the craptastic season I had...I finished 9th out of 10 teams.

I however run my piehole every chance I get on league message boards. I act like a fucking fool most times. To me, thats the fun of league play..ripping your friends a new one when they fuck up and lose by 55 pts because they forgot to change out their bye players for ones that are actually playing that week. It's not like someone is going to come to your house and beat the shit out of you because you called them a pussy, or my favorite, calling them girlie men because they just lost to a 15 year old kid in Syracuse who wouldn't know Rex Grossman from Drew Brees if his scrawny life depended on it.

So, I hope that at least one of the remaining teams will shine and once again I will be crowned the winner of fantasy football. Its a small joy in my life and mutha fucka, I need something to toss in the ball and chains face when he pisses me off.

Now, can either of my two readers tell me who the football player is in the pic below?

Monday, December 17, 2007 | By: Unknown

Here's a thought..

Clean out the bums in the Hall of Fame. Baseball has some real jerkwads in there according to this Salon OpEd. I agree with many of them, so lets get started shall we?

First out the door is Gary Carter. Mr. Carter was a worthless catcher who's only claim to fame is the amount of hits he got over his entire career. That is hardley a reason to get into the HOF now is it? The man is a punk-assed bitch to put it mildly.

Second, pitchers who obviously cheated. Don Sutton and Gaylord Perry both cheated their pinstriped asses off.

Perry even titled his book about his favorite method of cheating "Me and the Spitter" 
for Christ's sake!

This is all tongue in cheek of course..but the rest of the Salon article is about the same I think..check it out if your needing a smirk on this Monday morning.
Saturday, December 15, 2007 | By: Unknown

Cards deal Jim Ed to Padres for a bag of balls

They also sent a lovely $1 million large along to San Diego as The deal has to be approved by MLB since thats a large number with plenty of zeros. H/T to Bruce a lifelong Cards fans for letting me know about this late Friday evening.

The Cards did get a player..if you can call him that..he's 24, plays third and he's still in A-ball..not a good sign. Of course Jim Ed had the shittiest year of his career last year after two rounds of off season surgery, and he's in the last year of a $19 million dollar payday. He's pushing 40 and there is a LOT of ground to cover in PetFood's center field my dear reader...lots and lots of ground. Edmonds is due $19 Million this season and the cheap-ass Padres..well, they are the cheap-ass Padres..nuff said.

Three OF'ers told the cheap-ass Padres to kiss off this week: Milton Bradley, Mikie Cameron and the Japanese outfielder Kosuke Fukudome, who signed with the Chicago Cubs.

If that doesn't clue you in to how cheap the fucking Padres are..nothing will mutha fucka. Bradley has an IQ of a dandelion and would rather play for the Rangers, Cameron has a 25 game drug suspension hanging over his gourd for the start of next year and Kosuke obviously understands the value of the American dollar is in the shitter, so he took the highest offer from an even crappier team., ya gotta love it.

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Friday, December 14, 2007 | By: Unknown

Mo Vaughn used roids??

The only thing small about Mo is probably his testes...
He must of thought he could get high off them..My favorite picture of that fat bag of shit.
Thursday, December 13, 2007 | By: Unknown

Roger Clemens used HGH and steroids per Mitchell report.

(AP-Picture of Roger Clemens and McNamee)
The following is directly out of the Mitchell Report, available on's website:

Toward the end of the road trip which included the Marlins series, or shortly after the Blue Jays returned home to Toronto, Clemens approached McNamee and, for the first time, brought up the subject of using steroids. Clemens said that he was not able to inject himself, and he asked for McNamee’s help.

Later that summer, Clemens asked McNamee to inject him with Winstrol, which Clemens supplied. McNamee knew the substance was Winstrol because the vials Clemens gave him were so labeled. McNamee injected Clemens approximately four times in the buttocks over a several-week period with needles that Clemens provided. Each incident took place in Clemens’s apartment at the SkyDome. McNamee never asked Clemens where he obtained the steroids.

During the 1998 season (around the time of the injections), Clemens showed McNamee a white bottle of Anadrol-50.386 Clemens told McNamee he was not using it but wanted to know more about it. McNamee told Clemens not to use it. McNamee said he took the bottle and gave it to Canseco.387 McNamee does not know where Clemens obtained the

According to McNamee, from the time that McNamee injected Clemens with Winstrol through the end of the 1998 season, Clemens’s performance showed remarkable improvement. During this period of improved performance, Clemens told McNamee that the steroids “had a pretty good effect” on him. McNamee said that Clemens also was training harder and dieting better during this time.

In 1999, Clemens was traded to the New York Yankees. McNamee remained under contract with the Blue Jays for the 1999 season. In 2000, the Yankees hired McNamee as the assistant strength and conditioning coach under Jeff Mangold. According to McNamee, the Yankees hired him because Clemens persuaded them to do so. In this capacity, McNamee worked with all of the Yankees players. McNamee was paid both by the Yankees and by Clemens personally. Clemens hired McNamee to train him during portions of several weeks in the off-season. McNamee also trained Clemens personally for one to two weeks during spring training and a few times during the season. McNamee served as the Yankees’ assistant strength and conditioning coach through the 2001 season.

According to McNamee, during the middle of the 2000 season Clemens made it clear that he was ready to use steroids again. During the latter part of the regular season, McNamee injected Clemens in the buttocks four to six times with testosterone from a bottle labeled either Sustanon 250 or Deca-Durabolin that McNamee had obtained from Radomski. McNamee stated that during this same time period he also injected Clemens four
to six times with human growth hormone he received from Radomski, after explaining toClemens the potential benefits and risks of use. McNamee believed that it was probably his idea that Clemens try human growth hormone. Radomski instructed McNamee how to inject human growth hormone. On each occasion, McNamee administered the injections at Clemens’s apartment in New York City.

McNamee said that he and Clemens did not have any conversations regarding performance enhancing substances from late 2000 until August 2001. McNamee did, however train Clemens and Andy Pettitte during the off-season at their homes in Houston. Clemens often invited other major league players who lived in the Houston area to train with him. McNamee’s training relationship with Clemens and others has been described publicly.

Its pretty pathetic this entire report. I just spent a couple of hours slogging through it. The Clemens material is culled from a section devoted exclusively to him which starts on roughly page 167 of the report.

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Mitchell, steroids and baseball.. has the full report online here in PDF format. Some high/lowlights:

Mitchells recommendations for MLB:

(1) Major League Baseball must significantly increase its ability to investigate allegations of use outside of the testing program and improve its procedures for keeping performance enhancing substances out of the clubhouse;

(2) there must be a more comprehensive and effective program of education for players and
others about the serious health risks incurred by users of performance enhancing substances; and

(3) when the club owners and the Players Association next engage in collective bargaining on the joint drug program, I urge them to incorporate into the program the principles that characterize a state-of-the-art program, as described in this report.

The report is over 400 pages long..its going to take time to digest this sucker. But Mitchell did say that all 30 teams have or had steroid users on their teams.

Eric Gagne and Paul Lo Duca were among other current players named in the report, both linked to Human Growth Hormone. From ESPN's writeup:

Mitchell and his staff interviewed former New York Mets clubhouse attendant Kirk Radomski four times. Radomski identified a number of former and current MLB players he said he sold steroid and Human Growth Hormone to. Checks and money orders, mailing receipts or shipments, statements of other witnesses were used to back up Radomski's allegations. Much of this was found in Radomski's seized telephone records.

They got 'the goods' on many of the players, i.e., checks and money orders, who still refused to speak with Mitchell. Mitchell's investigation found that some players had advanced notice regarding upcoming drug tests, which is total bullshit. Jason Giambi was the only player involved in the BALCO case to speak freely with Mitchell about steroid use. From the report:

"Concerning BALCO and Major League Baseball I requested interviews of all the major league players who had been publicly implicated in the BALCO case: Marvin Benard; Barry Bonds; Bobby Estalella; Jason Giambi; Jeremy Giambi; Armando Rios; Benito Santiago; Gary Sheffield; and Randy Velarde. Jason Giambi agreed to be interviewed, and Randy Velarde provided information through his attorney. All the other players implicated in the BALCO case refused my requests to be interviewed or did not respond to them. Gary Sheffield initially declined my request for an interview. Sheffield later said that he would agree to an interview, subject to the availability of his lawyer who was undergoing medical treatments."

Damn..wotta trip. Check this out from page 290 about one of the American doctors involved:

Dr. Claire Godfrey, an Orlando obstetrician, also pleaded guilty; she said that she was directed by Signature Pharmacy executives to several Florida rejuvenation clinics that faxed prescriptions for her signature knowing that she would never examine the customers.457 Within a six-month time period, she wrote approximately $1.3 million worth of prescriptions and earned $200,000.458

You know that the doctors giving up their 'clients' is the most damning evidence I would think. Clemens is nailed for roid use big time per ESPN, which I am watching now.

Mitchell report will be released within the hour

According to ESPN three names are already dropped:

The Rocket
Andy Pettitte
I will put up anything that sounds interesting since I am watching it on ESPN. Buddy-boy Selig plans his very OWN announcement after Mitchells. So..stay tuned..

From SI we get this:
Former American League MVP Miguel Tejada is mentioned in the Mitchell Report, due to be released by 2 p.m. on Thursday afternoon, has learned.

Orioles second baseman Brian Roberts also is in the report, as are seven-time Cy Young winner Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Chuck Knoblauch, Mike Stanton and Jason Grimsley.

One or two other Yankees are expected to be named on the list as well.

Tejada spent the past four seasons with the Orioles and was acquired in trade by the Astros this week for five players. first reported Clemens and Pettitte as being in the Mitchell Report.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007 | By: Unknown

Can we do this with Baseball players?

So they don't fear a pitcher?

Obviously in Japan..they have a lot of time on their hands to do this shit..From Reuters:

Dec. 12 - Japanese scientists create a mouse which is never afraid of its mortal enemy, the cat.

The mice have been genetically modified to get rid of certain smell receptors in their brains which react to the odours of cats. Usually mice freeze and play dead when they smell a cat, but these mutant mice just go about life as usual.
Monday, December 10, 2007 | By: Unknown

Vick gets 23 months..

Ol Mikie won't be tossing the pigskin for 23 least. Vick and three buddies still face trial on state dogfighting charges in Virginia. They are accused of torturing and killing dogs and promoting dogfights -- all felonies that carry five-year maximum sentences in VA. From CNN:

Vick was dressed in a black-and-white striped prison suit and apologized to the his family and to the judge.

"You need to apologize to the millions of young people who looked up to you," responded U.S. District Judge Henry E. Hudson.

Vick also acknowledged he used "poor judgment" and added he was ready to accept responsibility.

Poor judgment? You fucking clown..its apparent you do not value life and all you can say is that you used poor judgment? Wotta tool..bye bye Michael..don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya fool. You have loved the 'sport' of dogfighting since you were a kid. YOu knew it was wrong, it was illegal and it was heinous. My only hope is that someone makes you their girlfriend whilst you cool your heels in a prison.
Saturday, December 08, 2007 | By: Unknown

MLB's Mitchell report due out..

On the heels of Barroids case hitting the court docket, seems the Mitchell Report is due soon:

Baseball is about to get its official boxscore on the Steroids Era.

It's the Mitchell Report, the findings of former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell's 20-month investigation into performance-enhancing drug use that has tarnished some of the game's greatest stars and records.

It's due out next week, possibly Thursday, and while critics are sure to claim it's one-sided and outdated, it has given players and executives cause for pause and led some to fear a modern-day Black Sox scandal.

"Well, it ain't Merry Christmas or Happy New Year for somebody," Cincinnati Reds manager Dusty Baker said.

I don't know about that Mr. its pretty weak..but we will see..

Barroid pleads not guilty..

I am sure no one expected him to come clean..but like Marion he will be brought down as long as the Federal Prosecutor's have done their fucking homework. From Sportsline:

Barry Bonds let one of his six lawyers say the words: "Not guilty." No courtroom drama, no surprises. Flanked by an entourage of lawyers and family members, baseball's home run king smiled, waved and made eye contact with fans Friday as he made his first court appearance since being charged with lying under oath about using steroids. Bonds' new lawyer entered a not guilty plea in U.S. District Court to the four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice contained in the Nov. 15 indictment. Afterward, defense attorney Allen Ruby didn't waste any time, saying he would soon ask a judge to toss out the case because of "defects" in the indictment. He declined to elaborate. If convicted, legal experts say Bonds could spend up to 2½ years in prison.

Interesting Bonds didn't say the words..his flunkies did.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 | By: Unknown

Detroit rocks with trade

Frankly, I couldn't believe that any other team didn't try to muscle in on this deal. Miggy and Dontrelle to the Tigers is a win-win for those boyz in D-town. The Marlins got some prospects and an old catcher..of course the owner of the Marlins got even more..his total team payroll will now be roughly 10% of that of the Yank$..god knows that fuckwit only cares about the cash that lands in his pocket. If Jeffrey Loria could be hog-tied and drug behind a truck for 3000 miles..I think you would find some very happy baseball fans in Marlin-ville.

The Padres might be willing to cough up $52 Million to make Jake Peavy happy. I really can't believe that since the owner, John Moores, is a notorious tightass and the fuckwit known as Kevin Towers seems to enjoy picking up worthless players off the waiver wire and telling the fans that he got a fabulous deal for a worthwhile player..
Monday, December 03, 2007 | By: Unknown

MLB's Veterans HOF committee selections..

lol..Marvin got snubbed again ;) Bowie Kuhn got in as did former Dodgers owner Walter O'Malley, managers Dick Williams and Billy Southworth and ex-Pirates owner Barney Dreyfuss.

Manager Whitey Herzog and umpire Doug Harvey each missed induction by a single vote-Dont it suck to be them today..Poor Whitey..

Former MLBPA shuckster..aka lawyer Marvin Miller whined when he heard the news:

"I think it was rigged, but not to keep me out. It was rigged to bring some of these (people) in. It's not a pretty picture," Miller said by telephone after being informed of the results by The Associated Press. "It's demeaning, the whole thing, and I don't mean just to me. It's demeaning to the Hall and demeaning to the people in it."

Fuck you very much Marvin..thats the breaks because it basically IS a popularity contest dude..