It all comes down to tonight for the Fenway faithful..

They have managed to come back from the abyss, those Boston Redsox boyz. I was skeptical that they would..but they haven't let me down..yet.

The 7th game is just getting underway..and I will watch with anticipation and some nail-biting I am sure.

Christ, I love this time of year..for either the Indians or the BoSox, it will be the end of the season.

I am off to watch and possibly weep..adieu.

EDIT: There is no sorrow in BOSOXVILLE tonight..the boyz from Beantown won..and won big..bring on the Rockies!

New Hybrid Hummer

New Hybrid SUV

September 2007. For Immediate release: H4 - The Hummer Hybrid !

(ACPA-Detroit) General Motors, maker of the Hummer line of Sport Utility Vehicles, have announced that the fourth generation of Hummer will come with a Hybrid engine. The move follows extensive criticism of their continued production of high gas consumption vehicles which have been linked to Global Warming.

Announcing the move Sara Greene, the aptly named Company Environmental Affairs officer stated, "You spoke, we listened, and we are delighted to confirm that the H4 will come with a highly efficient and compact Hybrid engine". " We expect to increase our bottom line and bring in new customers with this move".

Scheduled to hit the market in 2008, GM have chosen a retro VW Beatle style with the engine placed in the trunk-space. Spokeswoman Greene stated "We think this will appeal to the demographic who once drove those hippy vehicles and now consider themselves to be environmentalists."

Easy to remove!

Recognizing that the hybrid engine will reduce the space available in the Trunk, GM confirmed that the new engine will be encased in a light aluminum wheeled-frame so that it can easily be shifted around inside the trunk to maximize storage.

GM did point out a downside admitting the additional weight of having a hybrid engine in the trunk will reduce overall gas mileage. To solve this problem the auto giant is recommending that buyers remove the engine completely and store it in the garage. "This way you will get the best MPG we can provide and still feel good about having a hybrid engine at the same time" stated Greene.

The Hybrid engine will be lifted out at the dealership for H4 buyers who don't want one. Its expected that H5 will have the engine stored away discreetly beside the spare wheel.

Greene concluded the announcement noting that "the thousands of protest letters you sent us will now be carefully recycled".

End press release www.satireandcomment.com

Dbacks, Rockies advance in MLB playoffs..

Yesterday both the Rockies and the Dbacks swept their respective opponents to advance to the next level of the baseball playoffs.

This does make me smile since both teams are in the NL West. My condolences to the Cub's fans..you guys got hosed again. Sucks don't it?

As for which team will come out the victor and represent the NL in the World Serious..I don't have a friggin clue..I am after all, a Padre fan. But I do hope one of them will be victorious and get 'the ring'.

Unless Boston is in the WS..then all bets are off!

Let the firings begin!!!

Ok, the regular season is over and hence the firings and retirement of managers and GM's has begun. Get your scorecards out kiddies..

St. Louis Cards..GM Jocketty steps down

MN Twins...GM Ryan steps down

Pirates...GM Littlefield is shitcanned as is Manager Jim Tracy

Astros...Shitcan Manager Phil Garner AND GM Purpura

Royals...Buddy Bell retires as Manager

Baltimore O's...GM Jim Duquette resigns

Mariners...Manager cans his entire staff in a move to save his own ass

Thats the current list..if I forgot someone..too fucking bad

Tags: Baseball firings, The Silly Season begins

RIAA sends message...

From the PugBus:

DULUTH, Minn. – The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) prevailed yesterday in its efforts to stamp out copyright infringement by Native American single mothers of two children.

Jammie Thomas, 30, who was found guilty of "musical terrorism" related to alleged online music-sharing activities, now owes the RIAA $222,000 for making twenty-four songs, including Sarah McLachlan's 'Building a Mystery,' available to others via the file sharing network Kazaa. That works out to $9,167 per song or $110,000 per twelve-song CD.

"This verdict sends a message to all Native American single mothers who flout the law," said the RIAA's lead attorney, Richard Gabriel. "No cohort, no matter how small, marginally employed, or strapped for cash, is safe."

Speaking on the courthouse steps following the verdict, Ms. Thomas maintained that she was innocent of all charges.

"Sarah McLachlan's 'Building a Mystery?'" she laughed. "Give me a break. They must have planted that one on my hard drive."

Ms. Thomas' attorney, Richard Bratton, said he planned to appeal the decision.

"This case is a long way from being decided," he said. "By the time this one makes its way through the courts, the price of a CD may well be $110,000."

Of course this piece is a humor piece..but the fact remains the assholes at the RIAA are giddy over this ruling. I hope the appeals courts shoot it down..and thereby shut them the fuck up.

Tags: RIAA, music piracy

Fox sports Exec struck by lightening..

From the SportsPickle:

Fox Sports president Bob Goren was struck and killed by a lightning bolt sent directly at hit from God this morning while considering adding “comedian” Dane Cook to the network’s baseball playoffs broadcast tandem of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

“I usually don’t like to get closely involved in stuff like this,” said God. “Sports aren’t too high on My list of priorities. But Fox is broadcast television. That means it gets beamed out into the heavens, and there’s no way I wanted to hear those guys together. Maybe Goren wasn’t even seriously considering it, who knows. I guess we’ll never know. But I had to play it safe. Buck and McCarver are bad enough – but Dane Cook, too? God help us all. And He did. You’re welcome.”

Thank you God..Timmy is trying enough..Bless you Lord.

Tags: Dane Cook

Padres, Mets To Attend Steinbrenner 'Choke Camp'

From CAP news:

NEW YORK (CAP) - The New York Mets held a 7-game lead in their division as late as September 12. The San Diego Padres held a two run lead in the 13th inning of the game to decide the NL wildcard, with baseball's all-time saves leader on the mound. Both teams suffered monumental collapses and will miss the post-season. Times seem bleak for both organizations, but all hope is not lost.

While they won't be hoisting any trophies or blinding friends and family with World Series bling, the Mets and the Padres have secured something that may be even more valuable - slots at George Steinbrenner's annual conference, "Losing Big, Feeling Shame, And Coming Back: In Sports And In Life", to be held next month in New York City.

Known in sports circles as Choke Camp, the conference has become the premier gathering for losers looking to pick up the pieces after devastating, embarrassing losses.

"We look forward to having the Mets and the Padres attend this year's event," said conference organizer Dillon Erickson. "Both teams choked in a big, big way, and both will have lots of sharing to do with regard to their feelings of shame, guilt, remorse, and embarrassment.

"Only after the sharing can come the healing, and only after the healing can come the willingness to go out in public without a paper bag over one's head," Erickson noted.

Steinbrenner founded Choke Camp in 2004, following the New York Yankees' historic, unimaginable, and downright humiliating loss to the Boston Red Sox in the American League playoffs. Undoubtedly professional sports' biggest flop, the Yankees were left stunned and looking for answers. That's when Big George stepped in and started the conference, as a way for his team to gather with other losers in an attempt to find the answer to the ever-elusive question: why?

"Mr. Steinbrenner cares greatly for the Yankees," said a Yankee intern who identified himself only as 'Jason' during a phone interview with CAP News. "He loves the team, and he loves the players, and he loves the staff. He couldn't bear to see all the pain that filled Yankee Stadium in 2004. The conference was his way to fill the holes in our hearts with faith and love. Each year, we have so many more needy people who want to attend than slots available, but we're happy to hold places for both the Padres and the Mets for this year's event.

"Oops, I've got to run, that's Michigan's football coach on the other line," said 'Jason'.

Others such as noted clinical psychologist Tania Manis are not sold on Steinbrenner's efforts, calling the gathering "a farce, a carnival side show."

"Basically, you've just got a bunch of losers gathered together for a week to talk about how much they suck, and who sucks worse," said Manis. "What they really need to do is get back on the practice field, get back in the gym, stop whining, work harder, and they'll be back on track for success.

"I mean, for real - the key note speaker at this thing is Doctor Phil. Doctor Phil? Are you kidding me?" said an exasperated Manis. "The only sport that guy is qualified to speak on is the Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest, and that's only because he's a lard-ass."

Choke Camp 2007 will be filmed for a documentary tentatively titled, I'm A Loser Baby, So Why Don't You Kill Me?, to be released in the summer of 2008. Chris Webber is slated to host the film.

Tags: Padres, Mets,

The Seagull from Hell..

This seagull is a thief..take a minute and watch the video..he actually steals Dorito's from the store..I shit you not!

Death and the art of dying..

Suicide is such a huge dramatic statement. That someone of the tender age of 32 would do it and leave 4 little kids and a woman that loved him is beyond me.

That he wouldn't leave a note really freaks me out too. If your going to stage your death, don't you want people to know why your going to all the trouble to do it?

His funeral put asses in the seats. He was loved, make no doubts about that my dear reader..they said they hadn't seen a turnout of that magnitude in freaking ages..

But his illness got the best of him, and for that he must be forgiven. At least that is the way I think of it now..he was bi-polar. That our Medicare system constantly fucked with him about his meds doesn't please me one fucking iota. It makes me want to beat someone to a bloody pulp.

But I do know thats wrong too..and two wrongs don't make a right. Damn it.

I can understand his death at that level however. Because I have been there and thought about doing that. Too many times to count. Debilitating physical illness will do that to a normally sane individual.

But I have always come back from the edge my dear reader. I have found a reason to keep 'keeping on'. Chris didn't, and I am filled with emotional pain that no vicodin, xanax or muscle relaxer can take away.

Which is probably what he felt at the end. The suffocating emotional pain that washes over you and won't let you up for air no matter what you take or what you do.

At least his pain is over. I am glad for that, it is my only saving grace to take away from this experience. His demons are at rest.

It just leaves the living to figure it the fuck out and move on.

Waiting...

Baseball..we have baseball this week.

Barroid Bonds won't be playing in the first spring training game..this is a shocker, I know..

Manny Ramirez arrived three days early, instead of his usual 3 days late to camp..THAT IS A SHOCKER!

And Donald Fehr and his minions will offer advice to players regarding the George Mitchell steroid investigation..but its up to each player whether or not they want to cooperate.

Last week is over..thank you Jesus..the body is trying to get back into action after being used as a pin cushion for my own version of hell via cortisone shots by the 'pain management doctor'..lol..he doesn't manage shit but he knows how to hurt ya..you know what I mean?

Let the baseball games begin..Cause I really need a friggin diversion folks :)

Fenway park and me.

I am in a lot of fucking pain today, its dreary,cold,windy and rainy. I have spent most of my day in and out of bed under the influence of some very powerful pain and muscle relaxer type pills, since I also got 3 epidurals this morning..its been one helluva day...

My knees hurt too. They aren't part of my usual pain ritual. Its my back with its missing discs and my hip...but I digress...

I remembered the last time my knees hurt that bad. It was mid 70's, I lived in Boston, the Fenway area to be exact..its known as The Fen's to the locals as I recall. In the winter I developed a condition in my knees known as Clondromaylasia Pitella. Or some fucking shit..anyway..

In the drark and horrid New England winters you go for weeks without seeing the fucking sun. It sucks moose balls. I couldn't work, I wouldn't walk and going to the shitter presented its own problems. So I sat in the dark usually medicated up to my brown eyes, and I stared at Fenway Park..in all its glorious splendor. I was in the highest bldg around, the top floor, corner apt and fucking awesome.

There were no other buildings between me and the BallPark and there I was on the 8th floor. The distance was about a quarter of a mile and it overlooked the actual park ofthe original Fenway Park..its was small,with a french-looking arch, don't get excited. I could hear the crowds and the crack of the bat, I could also see just a wee part of the inside of the ball park as well. I remember staring at the giant Gasoline sign, i forget the brand, I AM medicate remember.. I loved it in the summer, I always got goose bumps when I heard the crack of the bat and waited to see if it was the homeboys or the visitors, you could tell by the fans response of course. But again, I digress..hey its the meds ok?

SO, in the winter, it was dark and bleak, almost like the view was in black and white really. So I would spend sometimes hours looking at The ballpark. I would take pics, I would look thru the binoculars.



So I saw the view there in my minds eye today, and it seemed to take my mind off the pain, for that brief moment anyway. And it felt fucking awesome. The picture was so clear, it freaked me out.

The bathroom had the best view, figures eh? It was handtiled all the friggin way up the walls and including the floor.FUCKER was cold in the winter...radiator heat and all. But when the sound of the ball meeting the bat came through that room..it echoed around that cold little room...fuck I loved that sound. The crowd lifted my soul when it was one of the homeboys that hit it.

And so, I spent the afternoon tripping down memory lane, thanks to modern science and a great mind control thang going on. Because the drugs just take the edge of it. To make it go away, I went somewhere else.

I loved it.

Michael Holmes..your one lucky dude.

"I was just frustrated that this was the way I was gonna die and that was it," he said.

He didn't see his life flash before his eyes, so evidently it wasn't his time to go. Read the article about the man and his wild ride without a functioning parachute here..then watch the video below. Those Dudes from New Zealand have some nads..he's going to do it again he says.

Anna Nicole pics are invading the internets..

Here we have her morgue pic..and here we have her coffin. If you think this is tacky..your a fucking prude..ok? Anna's life was lived in the spotlight..and her death will be no different sportsfans..besides..as Flash pointed out at her blog..can you hear St. Peter now saying"Ok, Anna's here..can we get a 90 year old dick for her to suck on, so she will feel right at home"?

Thanks to Flash's There's your Karma for the link to the graphics above.

TMZ has this link up to a NY Daily News article. It states..god, I love this one..that A.N.Smith had her 90 year-old former husband's sperm frozen and that the old dead guy is the daddy of the little girl..fucking rich ain't it? Well, the kid could end up rich..so its rich no matter how you slice or dice this bs.

Nascar's Drive for Diversity program is bullshit.

According to a father who's son was in the program it is..which shouldn't surprise anyone. I mean..come one..redneck racing is and always will be just that..rednecks. Their fan base might expand..and lately, contract..but the drivers, pit crews and assorted wingnuts at Nascar will always be lily fucking white. In the three years the program has been in existance..not one of the "minority" drivers have moved up into either of the three Nascar formats: Truck, Busch or Cup racing..From the NYT article:

"And now the father of an African-American stock-car driver once called a top racing prospect said the highly publicized Nascar-supported program was a failure. Joe Henderson Jr. said his son, Joe III, was under contract to MB2 Motorsports from 2005 to 2006 and was used for publicity but was given poor equipment in 2005 and not even provided a racecar in 2006."

To make it even worse..Nascar doesn't protect these minorities. Once instance, cited in the article, has 100 fans flaming a 16 yr old black driver. What else reeks of donkey piss is that Nascar uses these guys to promote them..as in..Lookee here! See, here's a negro that's racing..ain't we cool, we ain't prejudiced!

I call bullshit on this 4 year old program and the fuckwits running it. I think some rich white guys are pocketing some of the cash and I wouldn't be surprised if more comes out about this as the stockcar year progresses.

As I always say: You can take the redneck out of the hollar, but you can't take the hollar out of the redneck.

For those of you that don't have a clue what a friggin' hollar is..check out Coal Miner's Daughter, ok?

Pitchers start reporting Tuesday..

Its here..sort of. Baseball is getting ready to bloom, hope springs eternal..and Barroid still hasn't signed his contract.

I like that last part. I hope that pompous bag of batshit never signs with a team. Barroid Bonds can kiss my ass..twice even.

The Padres hired a fucking pitching coach as their Manager..oh man..doesn't that just say "WE are Committed to great baseball in San Diego?"

I didn't think so either.

At least there is still time to think things will work out for my Padres..A girl can dream can't she?

From our WTF? dept today..

Jesus..where do people find this stuff?

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Australian police are investigating a report that bodies donated to a Sydney university for medical research were sexually abused and that coffins were filled with parts from multiple bodies.

Read the rest here. Those Aussies are some sick fucks..

Colts won, the commercials sucked.

So today I give you my all time favorite Super Bowl commercial.

From our WTF? dept today..

You have heard of women that hoard cats. Well, this old broad in Switzerland was keeping 11 count em 11 full grown swans in her 270 ft. apartment.

Crazy ol bitch. Must of been a hoot when they took a poop. And it begs the question... did they take turns in the tub?

Something to make you laugh today.

A wonderful journalist has left us. Molly Ivins was funny and yet biting. Since my last post was pretty heavy duty, I wanted to put up something to make people smile at the very least, make them howl with laughter if possible. Here is a YouTube video entitled the "Dildo Diaries"...its Molly explaining the TX. sodomy laws and how they were removed, then put back on the books. Its quite funny, its also adult content.