ok...i never do this but what the hell...

i have been building this major slut outfit for about three months..the only thing it lacked was the bra...my tata's don't look real good loose..they need to be harnessed..those cantalopes need a frame damnit..anyway, the only thing the sexfit needed was a good, chocolate brown bra..i found it today...damn it was cheap too..

in the spirit of bakersfrigginfield, its animal print..which aint a bad thang...all those browns and tans and of course black...even gold...which goes quite well with the current hair color of burnt orange..no wait..its a nice strawberry blonde..really...i just see it as a burnt orange....the yuppie sista from hell even liked it after she had a few glasses of wine..my hair color, not the sexfit..

anyways..i was jamming on my new IPOD, not the full size bitch but the small cheap one, the ipod shuffle..holds five hours of tunes for gods sake..thats enough even to drive to San Diego..but i digress...i was jamming on the ipod whilst getting this sexy, slinky number on...all of it...jesus..its a hassle and a half..all those pieces to make one look all "come hither" and horny....I thought about putting on the "joan crawford" fuck me heels that i bought to match..all natural strings winding up my foot and circling around my ankle...but i thought better of it....after all i had been drinking some wine and i didnt need to break my fucking ankle walking up to the fucking living room where the ball and chain was lounging...that would defeat my purpose...

So....i got the whole outfit..i mean sexfit on..the bra, the undies, the teddy, the $200 bucks an oz perfume and finally the short robe that stays open in the front..fuck the shoes...and i am jamming on a really great joe b. song on the ipod..god i put together a good jam on that lil piece of plastic the size of a lighter..i start sliding up the hall...the half a friggin block to the living room...its a long ass house ya all...

i am dancing and playing air guitar on the great solo...the cats and dogs who have been watching me get undressed and then dressed again are following me like i am the pied piper..up the long-assed hallway, thru the laundry room, by the bathroom, thru the kitchen..and finally..at the door way into the living room..the kid is gone., its just me and the ball and chain...

he's snoring on the couch..WHO THE FUCK TAKES A NAP AT 6PM ON A FUCKING SUNDAY????...i shit you not...he is snoring on the couch...the bastard is asleep...i kinda nudge him a lil...he opens one eye..says:"what?"....i stand there and say.."nuttin, you taking a nap?"...he says.."what the hell does it look like?".. i say..well i was thinking of making dinner, you hungry?...he says: wake me up when its ready..i say..quietly.."its ready ol man"..he says:"what"...i say:"nuttin...i will let ya known when your dinner is ready"....

so..i go dancing back down the long, fucking hall..the animals all in tow...its a killer guitar solo now...a little jonny lang...angel of mercy to be exact....i walk past the stove, past the refrigerator, thru the entire kitchen, past the bathfuckingroom and into the bedroom again...damn..,its john lee hooker on the ipod..and hes doing "one burbon, one scotch and one beer..great song..great harmonica solo...and i dance my ever lovin ass off for over an hour..its a great invention that ipod..holds a shitload of music...i will never come out of these blues alive..god..what a GREAT FUCKING SONG!!!...

it made all my anger, my disappointment go away..thank god..i enjoyed the hell out of the next hour..sex would of been better but screw it, this wasn't bad..a lil air guitar and john lee, accompanyed by van morrison ain't a bad thang either..god i love this ipod...beats a snoring ball and chain anyday...

the last song..i will never get out of the blues alive..its a fucking great song...ol john lee hooker made a hell of a song there...

ps...the ball and chain woke up later..he was kinda pissed his dinner wasnt made..ask me if i care.....