Tuesday, April 26, 2005 | By: Dusty Taylor

The Happiest Place on earth ain't necessarily Disneyfuckingland

ok...read em and weep..or rejoice perhaps if your in one of the "happy" spots..i think the whole list is shit since they have the nads to rank bakersfrigginfield in the TOP 10....and Jersey City is number three..what in the blue hell is that about?

The 20 Happiest Cities
1. Laredo, TX: A+
2. El Paso, TX: A+
3. Jersey City, NJ: A+
4. Corpus Christi, TX: A+
5. Baton Rouge, LA: A
6. Honolulu, HI: A-
7. Fresno, CA: A-
8. San Jose, CA: A-
9. Lincoln, NE: B+
10. Bakersfield, CA: B+
11. Buffalo, NY: B+
12. Anchorage, AK: B+
13. Stockton, CA: B+
14. Shreveport, LA: B+
15. (3-way tie) Madison, WI: B, Montgomery, AL: B, and Des Moines, IA: B
18. Wichita, KS: B
19. (tie) Sacramento, CA: B and Omaha, NE: B

The 20 Most Depressed Cities
1. Philadelphia, PA: F
2. Detroit, MI: F
3. St. Petersburg, FL: F
4. St. Louis, MO: F
5. Tampa, FL: F
6. Indianapolis, IN: F
7. (3-way tie) Mesa, AZ: F, Phoenix, AZ: F, and Scottsdale, AZ: F
10. Cleveland, OH: F
11. New York, NY: D-
12. Salt Lake City, UT: D-
13. Atlanta, GA: D
14. (3-way tie) Yonkers, NY: D, Pittsburgh, PA: D, and Kansas City, MO: D
17. (3-way tie) Long Beach, CA: D, Los Angeles, CA: D, Nashville, TN" D
20. Portland, OR: D

18 people gave us their .02 cents:

Rat In A Cage said...

That list is total crap. Buffalo is the most depressing place I have ever been, and NYC is awesome as is Philly. I tihnk the list may have been printed with the wrong titles over each list.

Bruce said...

I've been to Buffalo a few times and the only happy thing about that place is the sign that says "You are now leaving Buffalo".

The only thing I can figure people in Jersey City are happy about is that it's not Newark.

Rat In A Cage said...

Right on. We were driving to Toronto & pulled off in Buffalo to get "Baffalo Wings." We could not get on the highway fast enough. So damn grey & bleak. Loks like it may have been a fun place in the 1890s.

Calgary is a fun city, I can now report.

dusty said...

ok...attention kmart shoppers..this info was gleaned from some fucking report that gauged the amount of anti depressants sold...o for gods sake..big fucking deal? who cares about anti depressants..the folks that ready need em dont have medical insurance..those fuckers are expensive..oh yeah..yanks won.az is beating the dodgers..and i think the cards won..this just in to news central..padres are NOT used to losing..they are just losing..no hidden messages..they just suck..

Rat In A Cage said...

I got a call from back east. Someone tracked me down to ask if I heard a-boot the Yankees. I said, no and I did not care. I was running footloose and fancy free with the canucks. Well, he proceeded to tell me that GayRod hit 3 homers including a grand slam. I said, that's good, I guess they didn't get blown out at least. Being up here for two days has reawakened my love of hockey. Some Canadian leagues playing & international games - on television all the time. I did hear the Jays canned their hitting coach after an 8 game skid - a slide started by the YankS, by the way. Anyway, it's time to go frollic in the snowflakes. Yes, it is snowing.

dusty said...

did you have fun in the snow?

daisyduke said...

El Pisso and Corpus Crappy got A plusses? whoever came up with THAT has never been there...Santa Fe NM didn't even make the list--that's the happiest place I've been in these here United States...GayRod never had 11 rbi when he tried to play for the assRangers

dusty said...

daisy...your so right..gayrod was biding his time waiting for the yanks to belly up to the money bar..

daisyduke said...

Greedy bastard...his pockets runneth over when he left Arlington, and ole Steinbrenner just shoved some more moolah down his throat...it's just plain gluttony. 's what's ruining baseball, if you ask me, (but nobody did...)

Bake Town said...

Have you ever actually lived in Bakersfield? Do you really know of which you speak?

Bruce said...

Oh she knows; she knows....

dusty said...

not only do i know the place..i reside there..

Rat In A Cage said...

The snow didn't amount to more than a dusting, but fun anyway. Hey, if you want GayRod back, you can have 'em. He has so NOT done anything in the clutch in 2 years. Geez, Louise, another new format on the blog. I like it - I cannot figure out how to change mine. Help.

daisyduke said...

we can't afford to have GayRod back, we are busy spending our dough on guys who can throw 48 pitches--max.
Do you ever see Dwight Yoakam on the streets of Bakersfrigginfield?

Toad734 said...

Those border towns cheat, most of those people are just happy to not be back on the other side, or happy to avoid immigration so long.

Now I know why everyone in my hometown of Indy is a junkie...but which came first?

By the way Detroit should be first.

Where did you get this?

Toad734 said...

Ahh, the sale of anti-depressants, well that makes my southwest comment all the more interesting.

I had a conversation about this with my girlfriend the other day and it is sure to offend people but here it goes.

I don’t think it is a coincidence that all of these "happy" cities are in areas with large Hispanic populations. In other words, depression was basically made up for white people who think their middle class life sucks because they aren't Tom Cruise, Tom Brady or Angelina Jolie, or married to one of those people.

Lincoln Nebraska is the first city with a mainly white population that is in the top 10 of the happiest cities. And I am going to assume that they are fairly down to earth people and that it is a fairly middle/working class city that doesn't have a bunch of hot looking rich people driving around in Mercedes SUVs.

As I said in the previous post, I think the Hispanic populations in those areas are happy to be alive, happy to not live in a slum, jungle or desert in Mexico and they realize they have it better than 75% of the rest of the world, just for being on this side of the river. I think these people look at how much they have instead of what they don't have. It's just too bad that most other people in this country cannot see that, and just want what they see on TV.

Rat In A Cage said...

I made a snow devil this morning.

dusty said...

LMAO...a snow devil? only you would make a snow devil.