Wednesday, April 19, 2006 | By: Dusty Taylor

Speaking of my back being totally thrashed..

The Doc I saw today..finally..said and I quote: "Jesus Christ that is one fucked up back woman".

Well, he didn't say it that way exactly..more like "Did your employer know your back was that bad when they hired you?" and my personal favorite...."Do you realize you have four discs that have less than one-third the thickness of a normal spine?"

I said.."I am not normal Doc, that makes it ok right?" He didn't laugh. He didn't smile..he really didn't have a sense of humor to save his ass.

He continued down that road...saying.."I will not release you to go back to work..ever." You will have to see a back specialist in order to be cleared to return to work."

I said under my breath...shit.

Then he really dropped the bomb.He said:"I don't think you are going to find a doctor that will allow you to return to work, you are most likely going to be declared permanently disabled".

After I picked my bottom jaw off the linoleum..I said.."WHAT? WHY?" I launched into a diatribe that used the phrase"I just need a week off then I will be back to a total range of motion" about fifty times. The Doc told me to stop yelling at him at this point in our convo.

He called me argumentative. He said its not his decision..he's not a back specialist..I need an MRIand perhaps an exploratory to determine if there is even more damage..but from what he can see in a simple xray..I will never work again. He dragged me over to look at the xrays, pointing out what was wrong..I finally told him to shut up..I heard enough. I would go see a specialist and quit trying to convince him I would be just peachy after a week off of work.

I knew he was right..but I didn't know it was that bad. Funny how you get used to things being normal, until someone points out... its far from it.

I am not ready to be declared permanently disabled..far from it. I can still stand up straight..on a good day.

I came home and laid on my bed...staring out the open window,processing all the words I heard him say and the images I saw on that grainy-ass xray.It was a beautiful day in BakoTown today too..

Then I cried myself to sleep surrounded by cats and dogs that seemed to look at me like they knew something was up...things weren't..normal anymore.

14 people gave us their .02 cents:

jagular said...

Well, I've normally got a smart @$$ comment for everything.
Not today though. I'm really sorry to hear news like that. I can really feel for you. My back is all screwed up, too, and I'm waiting for the day I get that news, so I can really identify.
Just be careful though in the near future. If you go see a back specialist, keep in mind that back surgery is a serious issue. I talked to a neurosurgeon and he quite candidly told me that as long as you can walk, you shouldn't let them operate. I asked him why and he said that it's a lot of pain for not a lot of good. He said that ten years after surgery, the results are statistically the same for those who had surgery and for those who did not.
And, he said, they don't really know what they are doing. And this came from one of the foremost neurosurgeons in the area. So that's the advise I took.
But your case may be different, so don't just go by what I say blindly.
I hope it works out not as bad as he said.

Shining Star said...

I'm sorry, so so sorry! I hope the specialist has better news for you! Keep us updated! (((HUGS)))

dusty said...

Jag..I have been living w/two herniated discs for about 30 years. They wanted to cut into me back then..and I said no way.

Then 10 years ago they really sounded the alarm, saying I would be paralyzed if I didnt undergo surgury..again I said fuck off.

As long as I can walk I will not let them do that. My mom did and she got no relief of her pain, less mobility and a whole lotta nothing for her efforts..I got that shit already without the surgury :P

Thanks star..your a peach :)

Bruce said...

Baby, you know how I feel, so I'll just say do what you think is right for you, and I love you.

Sonicrusk said...

I hope that everything works out as well as can be possible Dusty.

dusty said...

It will work out..I will WILL it to be so..

if that doesn't work I can always cry:P

I can deal with anything..given enough pot and skyy vodka.

John Q. Public esq. said...

your back and my legs, sister...

shame you couldnt of gotten hit by a UPS truck or something, $$$$

shit we can still out work any 12 ppl. we are hard-asses that way.
plus the pills help.


glamourgirl said...

Damn, girl. My heart goes out to ya. How unbelievably frustrating. I'm so sorry!

lecram sinun said...

Dusty, all I can say is ... take care.

Jill said...

Gee...damn shame. I'm lucky not to have any back problems but I know scores of people who do. Sorry, I hope that it all works out.
btw...did Einstein really say duh??



daisyduke said...

western medicine doctors love to predict surgery filled futures. please consider chiropractic and applied kineseology. PLEASE

dusty said...

I refuse to have I am considering it all Daisy :)

Anonymous said...

OMG. This is the best the "free" world can do for you?

Dusterella, it's time to remember why governments get overthrown.

dusty said...

I will do my best doc to overthrow our government..I always do :P