Thursday, June 16, 2005 | By: Dusty Taylor

Welcome to Anal-Retentive 101

ok..so i ask the ball and chain: What are we going to do about all the kittens??

b&c: I dont know..keep one and give the other two away?
moi: OK, I want to keep leroy(the grey tabby,he is my fav)
b&c:We cant give Bobbie away.He shits whereever he wants and someone would be mean to him or toss him away.
moi:Ok, so WE get stuck w/the non-boxed trained kitty to protect his lil ass? somehow I am not liking this idea..cuz its MY ASS that will be cleaning up cat shit and pee for all eternity.
b&c:Well, lets just give him a little more time, I saw him go voluntarily into the cat box today.
moi: so what your saying is you want to keep Bobbie?
b&c: I dont know. Bobbie is the most playful and cutiest.
moi: Bobbie shits in any place but his catbox. I can not tolerate an animal that doesnt know where to deposit his poop or urine. The cat is a tard dear, yes hes cute as a bug and very sweet but hes fucking retarded as hell when it comes to using the catbox.
b&c: Well, we could keep two of them.I want Bobbie and you want Leroy.
moi: We dont need two more animals in this house..we got three fucking dogs and two squirrely cats as it is..
b&c:I just worry that they wont get good homes.
moi: SO..what your saying really is that you want to keep ALL the fucking kittens.
b&c:Um...i dont know..i think we keep all or none, I dont want to have to choose.No one will love them like we do..or spoil them like we do..
moi:Thats right jackass, no one will cater to the lil turds like we do..the fucking animals run our house, we get babysitters for the damn things every time we go out of town and frankly I am tired of spending half my day feeding or cleaning up after them all.
b&c: Ok, then lets get rid of all of them but Nicky.
moi:Right....what i am trying to say is..you want all these animals but you dont help take care of them..you need to start helping out w/the care and feeding of the lil fuckers..
b&c:I do...when your out of town, which lately is every other week.
moi: OK..so this discussion is now about my time out of town?
b&c: Well, you wanted to rescue all these animals and then you spend half your life out of town leaving me and brian to take care of them.
moi: Jerry, I am trying to thin out the herd jackass..My original question was what to do w/the kittens now BEFORE we get attached to them.
b&c: Well, aren't you attached to them all?
moi: Not quite yet. I will be shortly if we dont do something with the extra kittens.The "cat people" will find them good homes and I will give them a hefty donation to boot.
b&c: How hefty?
moi:OMFG..jerry, its my money and I will do with it as i see fit. I feel the need to give some "guilt" money to the Cat People when I turn over the kittens.
b&c:which ones are we gonna get rid of?
moi:THAT WAS MY ORIGINAL QUESTION TO YOU JACKASS..NEVER FUCKING MIND!

11 people gave us their .02 cents:

John Q. Public esq. said...

mrs. jqp would say keep them all, she is a lover of all things furry (but me)...

thank you for your kind words and when you make it let me know how it turns out, ok?

JQP

Melanie said...

Oh, so you were going to ship the "non-trained" kitty to me:)? I see...

Actually, I thought about it, but then remembered that we're going to the beach in 2 weeks and will be there for 2 weeks and then when we come back our cat is due to have kittens, so probably not a good idea. But wow, he's adorable.

Lily said...

Do NOT keep a cat that shits all over the house. My ex had one when we got married, damn thing ruined hundreds of dollars of clothes. But we HAD to keep it.
For 3 years.
Til I brought it and a bag of its favorite cat food to the humane society.

Get rid of it now before you end up with little kitty cookies all over the place.

FantasticAlice said...

I don't even know what to say, but I finally caught my breath from rolling on the ground laughing so damned hard...got a not so good friend you could pawn the kitty off on?

Rat In A Cage said...

I have to say I htink he's being nice & you were wrong to bitch at him for mentioning you were out of town. You women do that - you attack him for not helping so he responds by explainign how he does & then it turns into another attack against him. That's wrong. Don't turn this into an attack against me either.

I htink you have to keep them all. I'll "adopt" one by sending you all you need to pay for food, etc. Get other readers to "adopt" the others.

dusty said...

LMFAO john..get over yourself..the b&c is THE laziest mammal on the face of the planet..if you have noticed, most comments say dump the shitty kitty..not literally of course..but no one in their right mind would keep a cat knowing it cant find the friggin cat box.

Rat In A Cage said...

Perhaps, but this draws to mind an analogy I have had with the kids. Jake used to constantly pick up papers from a field, street, etc to see if it was anything interesting. It never was so he would throw it back on the ground. I would always make him pick it up. He'd of course point out that it was already laying in the street when he got it. Agreed, but once you picked it up you took responsibility of it. If you don't want it now, you can hang onto it until we find a trash can. I'd never make him pick up trash he hadn't touched. It's not his job to clean / save the world.

Also, it is not your job to save the world either. Now that you have chosen to take that cat in, it is your responsibility I would argue. It is precisely because no one would want to keep a cat like that, that you must. You cannot give ti to someone that will kick it, smack it, torture it, starve it, kill it because it's a hassle now. You never had to take it in in the first place, but now it is used to people and relies on you. I have to side with the ball and chain on this one. Sorry.

dusty said...

ok..i see your analogy and raise you a pooper scooper..

Rat In A Cage said...

Don't make me call you out to settle this with a naked porch dance contest!

daisyduke said...

ain't love grand????

dusty said...

oh please..you would win john and you know it..you get lots of practice..i dont :P