Saturday, June 25, 2005 | By: Dusty Taylor

Ah Vegas....

I was SO looking forward to this trip, I had worked my ass off the prior week which is so totally unlike my lazy self...my back was killing me, my asthma was acting up i was generally falling a-fucking-part..

There are 14 wildfires currently burning in this part of the state...the smoke is so thick it looks like fog. It smells like a fucking BBQ everytime you go outside cuz a shitload of mesquite is burning out there in the friggin desert. This kinda wreaks havoc on my already irritated lungs..

This is the ONLY place I wear a robe this time of year because the ball and chain keeps the room cold enough to hang MEAT in it. I woke up at 5 fucking 30 because my nose was freezing..it was the only exposed part of my body, the rest was huddled under the covers. I turn the temp UP to 65 and the fan on low...just cuz its free doesnt mean you have to use the shit out of it i have tried to explain to the b&c..The humidity is so low, around 8%, that my hair looks like a friggin fright wig and I think I saw a couple of small children pointing at me and grabbing their mothers in terror....I am constantly putting lip balm on and my skin resembles alligator hide unless I lather on half a bottle of body lotion every 2 hours. The toilet paper in this fucking room is rough..i think you could use it in place of 40 grit sandpaper to take off old varnish on your favorite antique table..

Now..normal people just might be wondering..why is this bitch on the INTERNET in vegas??? Thats a very easy explanation..I come here very often and gambling is not that big of a deal to me plus I now haul water instead of alcohol in the cooler since I am old, fat and not in the best of health for the most part...its a bitch getting old...Reallly though I come over for the music and this trip was no exception..Eric Johnson and THE Buddy Guy were fantastic and worth every red cent I paid for that overpriced ticket. Oh yeah...JOHN...I NOW HAVE A BUDDY GUY T-SHIRT TOO..NEENER NEENER..and I did have "somewhat" of a buzz when I called you during that ridiculous Yank/Mets game..hahaha..PEDRO won..and i know you are SO hating that fact.. :)

Now I also need to be able to set my lineups for my 13 fantasy baseball teams..this might seem a tad overkill to most folks..13 teams is alot of work, but its my hobby and fuck anyone that doesnt understand my obsession with fantasy sports..I play the odds that with that many teams I should be able to come away with at least ONE fucking championship..to prove my prowess and knowledge is on the same level as most of the men I know regarding all things sports..well..its not quite working out as I had planned...

At least half my baseball teams are at or hovering around the bottom of the standings..this in and of itself is fodder for endless amounts of ribbing for most of the people I play against. I have been playing against these people for about six years and I know most of them fairly well. We talk major shit on the message boards in alot of the leagues..and since I AM a bitch I have no problem shooting off my mouth at the beginning of the season. So, basically I am the "village idiot" in most circles this season..oh well, such is life..

So thats how my grand weekend is going..its a weekend away from the "kids" and yes Alice i have a babysitter for them, its called MY SON, but since hes a self-centered jackass there is a backup babysitter one of my neighbors that understands my attachment to all my animals..i do miss the kittens though..but not THAT bad..i call brian at least twice a day to ask if he's fed them and to make sure they are all accounted for.. I get to drink all the Grey Goose I want for free, I can watch ANY sporting event I choose since we know all the bartenders and its a great people-watching excursion..not bad i would say...it beats sitting at home any day...

14 people gave us their .02 cents:

Bruce said...

(Sobbing incessantly)I guess you forgot my phone number. Oh well, I can live with that(I'm kidding dear, just kidding). I hope you had a good time, and be careful going home with all those fires around.

dusty said...

Well besides the fact that a yanks/mets game has absolutely NO meaning to you b..I was sitting next to the b&c and had to spend five minutes explaining who the hell John is and why i am calling him from a bar in vegas..it would of went over about as well as a lead balloon to call you...he might be a dumb redneck but he aint that stupid..

dusty said...

but i do love you b..you freak of a cardinal fan you ;)

Bruce said...

well, i got that going for me; which is nice...

FantasticAlice said...

Hey now, I'm a cards fan too! Hope you had fun! It's always good to have a back up babysitter... How old is your son? Is it the age or is it is personality that's a pain?

Bruce said...

Alice, Alice..we must talk...
sorry, baby..I know this your blog and all, but anytime I find another Cards fan, I get all verklempt :-p

dusty said...

Alice..i knock the cards only to get a rise out of bruce...i respect those fuckers alot..only cuz larussa is an animal nut and runs a huge charity for homeless or abused pets..and they are pretty good..bastards..the kid is 25 going on 12..he has the maturity level of a blade of grass and lately bitches about all the animals in the house..he threatens to NOT feed them whilst I am away but i think hes just jerking my chain..he is an only child therefore incredibly self centered..

Rat In A Cage said...

Fuck Pedro. I was going nuts yelling at the screen to take pitches & get Mr. I Can Only Throw 110 Pitches out of the game! Once they finally did, they got a 2 run homer in the 9th, but too little too late. I mostly wanted to win to not hear your crap. The Yankees do have a very lopsided winning record against Pedro's teams the days he pitches. He is very good, but they kill his relievers usually. God damn swinging at the first & second pitches made me nuts. Fuck Pedro.

I wanted to call back, but figured it just wouldn't be too smart. You probably didn't need me saying Fuck Pedro in one ear & him asking who it was in the other.

I have to go kick something. Fuck Pedro.

dusty said...

lol john..yeah that would of been interesting..and possibly fun..he now thinks your an old friend from san diego that now lives in van nuys..he looked at me like he didnt believe me anyways..who cares? not moi thats for sure..i loved the game..sorry you were not as into it as i was..course i got my comeuppance however, the pads got killed by the m's 14-5 or some shit..

Rat In A Cage said...

Oh, i was into it as much as you - just didn't enojy it as much as you. So when are you coming to visit your old elemnetaqry school pal here in Van Nuys?

Rat In A Cage said...

Oh, i was into it as much as you - just didn't enojy it as much as you. So when are you coming to visit your old elemnetaqry school pal here in Van Nuys?

Rat In A Cage said...

Speaking of Buddy Guy, check out the post by Jenn's friend, Katie.

http://goddamnyoujenn.blogspot.com/2005/06/youre-goddamn-right-i-got-blues.html

dusty said...

john i read it and responded..that guy jay really has women issues doesnt he? jesus christ the guy is a whiner..had to say something bout him as well..

Parker Gerkin said...

Hmmmm, a hippy that's into sports. You rock.