Sunday, June 19, 2005 | By: Dusty Taylor

Baseball news

This was another one of those "Interleague" play weeks..as some of you are aware, I find interleague play unnatural, like kissing your sister or feeling up your mom..its just not done in civilized societies. This week the American League came out on top of most of the battles with the exception of the St. Louis Cards..those fuckers swept the Tampa Bay Devilrays..who as most baseball fans know suck pond scum. The Orioles are still in first by a mere 3 games over the Red Sox and the hated Yank$ are still in third in the AL East..yes, the yank$ ARE moving up in the rankings, but this writer considers that an anomaly and they should hit the skids again real soon. The Chicago White Sox have a comfortable 7 game lead on their closest rivals the Minnasota Twins in the AL Comedy Central. The twinkies just lost two straight to my boyz the San Diego Padres this weekend..
The Los Angeles/California/ Anaheim Angels are still holding down first in the AL west. Those monkey loving fools have been there all season and that is a good thing for a Cali native such as myself, although Daisy's boyz the Texas ButtRangers who are only two games out of first are coming on strong as of late. I love the ButtRangers manager, Buck Showalter so I do not have any problems with them overtaking the Angels if God sees fit to let that happen..she is a Ranger fan I heard somewhere recently..good for her, the Rangers need all the fans they got considering that no one in their right frame of mind goes to sit in the Texas heat and humidity this time of year to watch a baseball game. Why didnt those dipshits build an enclosed stadium like the Houston Astros? Fuck if I know..The Oakland A's are tanking like a fat guy in a marathon..its sad to see a once great team play so badly..it just makes ya wanna cry if your an A's fan..which I am not so screw the bitches with a lead pipe.

On the senior circuit, otherwise known as the National League, The East is being led by those transplants from Canuck Land, the Expos, now known as the Nationals..aka the GNATS..i like to use the proper spelling of the word i find it cute..the Gnats have a slim 2 game lead over the Phillies. Now the Phils have one of THE most butt ugly mascots in sports, the Philly Phanatic..its a lime green concoction that closely resembles a deranged Care Bear that has been up on Meth for a month straight..the third place team is the Atlanta Braves who are absolutely sucking so bad this year that Bobby Cox, the geriatric manager might finally step down. We can only hope sportsfans...when your manager looks like an alzheimers victim lost in his own neighborhood half the time, its hard to have any confidence in the team and its players..

The NL Central is being led by none other than those friggin Cards..they have a comfortable 9 and a half game margin over those losers at wrigley, the Cubbies whom I hate only because they beat the shit out of my Padres then got swept by the fucking Yank$. How could the Cubs let the Yank$ sweep em? Have they no pride? Nah,its not that..they are just missing some bats and most of their pitching is on the DL..which come to think of it are the main ingredients for a winning baseball team. The rest of that division has lost more than half their games and playing .500 ball would be a godsend for those losers..there are six teams in that division and FOUR are below .500 in wins..makes me think the Cards get cocky by the end of the season and then lose in the playoffs when they actually play a decent team..afterall, with the new way its set up in baseball you play the teams in your own division more than anyone else..so a false sense of security is a possibility for some teams at the top of their standings in very shitty divisions such as the AL and NL Comedy Central.

Ok, we are now at the NL West..my division..my hope and prayers rest squarely on the shoulders of the San Diego Padres and the AZ. Diamondbacks..both of whom are on the wrong end of a streak..the losing streak..both teams are 4-6 in their last 10 games...way to go boyz..your sucking dick like a wimp in jail with a bunch of hard core biker dudes..thank god the Dodgers are just as bad with a 3-7 record in the last 10. The Pad's are still leading the group of NL West losers by a whopping 3 and a half and 4 games respectively..the Padres play the Dodgers for a four game series this week, so we might have a change in the top spot. I hope not..no way in hell i want to listen to the b&c cackel like a friggin moron if the hated Dodgers take over first..it would make me very very upset and I would have to find ways to retaliate if the boyz from Hell-A take over first in the NL West. Like refusing to make dinner, or making him sleep on the couch, or cook the foods i know he hates w/a passion. I have my ways ..muahahahahah..such an evil laugh..

The big story this week was the Angels pitcher Brendan Donnelly getting busted with a "foreign substance" on his glove during his last outing..this is tantamount to having cork in a bat for a hitter...its massive cheating and i hope the prick loses every game he plays in after he serves his ten game suspension. I hate cheating..unless it involves the IRS..then go for the gusto I always say..in any case,there is your baseball news for this week sportsfans..have a wonderful week and come back around next sunday for more insights into the fantastic world of Major League Baseball..

10 people gave us their .02 cents:

Rat In A Cage said...

I am speechless. You admit the AL kicks ass and that the Yanks are on the move & cannot be stopped.

I almost think you're wearing a Jeter shirt as you typed this. It's okay, Dusty. Come over to the Evil Empire.

muhahahahahahahaahahahahahahah!

dusty said...

I want some of what you are smoking john..i did NOT say the yanks are unstoppable nor did i admit the AL kicks ass..they got beat to shit in the first round of the interleague bullshit two weeks ago..GET A GRIP! its a wash basically..

Bruce said...

Don't be so effing quick to diss the Cards... they haven't even started hitting on all cylinders yet; plus La Russa won't let them get "cocky". This ain't 2004..

Rat In A Cage said...

Well, I guess they'd have not much to be cocky about from 2004.

I'm just high on life, Dusty. I think if I read your post correstly, you said, "I love the Yankees and I can no longer deny it. I wish I lived in Boston so I could mock those sorry ass Red Sucks fans up close and personal and knock over cans displays all over New England. Furthermore, I admit that having pitcher hit is just plain dopey & boring. Lastly, Rat rocks my world and I hope he'll sign my brand new Jeter shirt."

Rat In A Cage said...

If you didn't say that, I blame it on the beer & the enchanting evening I just gushed about on my stupid ass site. I took your advice & went out & circulated. Damn if I am not loved out there.

John Q. Public esq. said...

yes, but we all know this is the year for the Cubs...

JQP

dusty said...

ok..bruce..the cards will tank again in the playoffs dear..its gonna happen so deal with it now..rat aka john..so glad you finally made the rounds and found out you are a great guy that people love and enjoy being around..JQP, your my man..i now have a crush on you big time..a cubbies fan eh? you love losing teams more than i do..hoist our glasses to the little teams that never can do shit but give us lots of fun and drama..I hope the Cubbies get to the NL playoffs..so my Pads can knock them on their collective asses and win the whole thing..which i really know IS NOT going to happen but i love dreaming about it anyways..

Melanie said...

Don't you be talkin' bout Bobby Cox!!! Okay, that was pretty funny. And I don't watch baseball so I only read that one part of your post.

Now football is another story. Don't be talking about my Georgia Bulldogs. I don't want to have to jello wrestle you...

dusty said...

wow wee..i kinda like the jello wrestling thang w/you Mel..gives me a charge..now look what you started Mel..

Rat In A Cage said...

hot damn! (Pulls up a chair)