Thursday, June 16, 2005 | By: Dusty Taylor

Holy Mary, mother of God..what a day

it was one of those know the just didn't pay to get out of bed..its hysterical on the back end..but jeez..give me a break..the b&c playing dumb as rock first thing in the AM did not bode well for the rest of my day..

My part time job has turned into a full time job as of of the reps in my district said adios and the remaining two(that includes me, duh)had to split her workload..i didnt mind for the first couple weeks but its cutting into my play time now..dammit..

Anyways..I collect data for most of the major food and beverage manufacturers. Its way beneath me since most of my life I have been in a position of authority, but it was only supposed to be a part time job and it paid well, not to mention it was very loose about the working hours and days..hey, a girl has to be able to pay those credit card bills for all those shoes...thats what drew me to it..fucking I will be go to hell if i dont hate it right about now..

I have a laptop that belongs to my employer worth around 2K that I haul along to record the data from various retailers..usually the big grocery I was taking a short smoke break outside of one of the larger grocery stores in the bakersfrigginfield metro area..its in a great neighborhood..

This guy is walking towards me, he seems to be bumbling a little, like maybe he had a liquid lunch..I am sitting my tired ol geezer ass on a step stool i haul around in the shopping cart. Yes, I said a shopping cart. Its easier to put my laptop, purse and step stool in a shopping cart when I walk the store aisles than to haul the shit by hand..screw that for god's sake..anyways..i see him out of the corner of my eye and i hear him as he says:"Look at that homeless broad, she looks like she doesnt miss too many meals.." Bear in mind this fucker has a beer belly that screams "what color are your socks jackass, bet you cant see YOUR feet without bending over". He is dressed in a white button down shirt and nice slacks with a very cheap ugly ass tie.

Hes talking to another male walking with him..the other male giggles..giggling is so gay in a male..but thats not my point..

My point is this..he is about 20 feet away from me and hes loud enough for my hard-rock ruined ears to hear. I CAN NOT let this pass..nope..its not gonna happen folks..I gotta respond.

So as this nimrod gets closer, I say and do the following: I hold up my well manicured hand and say "How many homeless broads you know with a $30 set of airbrushed nails and a 2 thousand dollar laptop pal?"

About now he is even with me. I am still sitting on my fucking stool smoking my marlboro. He looks down his nose at me and says" Am I talking to you bitch?" I stood up and said..what did you call me you fucknut? you might not be talking TO me but your damn sure are talking ABOUT me. At this point in time let me preface the rest of the story by mentioning that I knocked over a friggin display of fucking canned chili by moving one fucking can mind you..and it made ALOT of fucking noise in that mostly empty store..i swear it was like some jackass set it up to fall like a house of can in succession after another..thank god it wasnt the expensive liquor display eh? hey no shit...anyway..i wasnt in the best of moods and this asshole runs his yap...

so...he actually stops right in front of me. I am standing there toe to toe with some jerk that smells like bourbon. his little friend walks a few steps ahead and then realizes that Mr. Wonderful has stopped in front of me. he doesnt walk back, he just stands there.

Mr. Wonderful has a great comeback..he says.."fuck you".. I laugh and say.."thats it? thats your fucking comeback you dipshit? Did you learn that one in college you brain dead idiot? Go have another drink and kill some more brain cells you stupid fuck.Its 2 in the afternoon and your lit up like a roman candle. Going back to work pal?" I love calling guys pisses them off so bad..

At this point I realized I might have taken this a little far. but then again..he asked for it.

So as I stand there glaring at this jerkwad and waiting for his next pearl of wisdom i think....hope that ugly fuck isnt going into the store..i would hate to make a scene INSIDE the might reflect badly on the company i work for and worse..i could get my ass chewed big time..

So anticipating a small but vocal exchange i wait to see what hes gonna say..cuz I am the queen of comebacks sportsfans..I have had years of practice..

and he says..fuck you bitch...I shit you not.

So i have to put him in his i say..."repeating yourself now? JESUS CHRIST..get out of my face your pathetic." His little friend now giggles at my remark. I just hope he doesnt haul off and hit me or something..i got a bad back for gods sake..

He smiles and says..."sorry, my bad your not homeless your just a bitch" to which I reply.."you finally got something right moron...congratulations. "His friend howls now.

Mr. Wonderful now turns on his heel and at a quick trot, heads down the sidewalk without looking back..I had to give him a parting remark so i yell..have a nice day sweetie....

it still didnt make up for the canned goods fiasco..that was embarrassing.

10 people gave us their .02 cents:

Bruce said...

Why does this not surprise me? ;-)

Rat In A Cage said...

I am laughing so hard. No sense in telling you that sometimes it's just better to let it slide. The crumbling cans had to be a mess.

I woke up an hour and a half before I had to today so I am anticipating some sort of exhaustion related fiasco in the afternoon - hopefully nothing like that.

Don't forgot to toss in the ol' "I guess the (your choice of words: "smart" in this instance) part of you ran down your mom's ass, you dumb fuck!"

Josh said...

reminds me a bit of tommy boy and the m & m candy shell/brain comments :)

nice blog..and you can call me pal, doesnt faze me.

SeizeTheNite said...

"giggling is so gay in a male"...

I couldn't agree more.
Glad you put him in his place, men tend to need that. :)

daisyduke said...

there's just no accounting for taste (or lack thereof) is there?
personally i have always found you to be quite high class...

Rat In A Cage said...

Did you realize that as crappy as the Yanks have been, the Diamonbacks are 1 game better & the Padres only 1.5 better? Scary that the Yanks can suck so much & still be right there & only 3 behind the Sucks & 5 behind the O's. Back to resting.

dusty said...

streaks grasshopper...the yanks are winning and the padres and dbacks are losing their asses..thats why they are so close in wins/losses..dbacks cant buy a win and the pads pitchers primarily the pen are sucking moist butthairs..

dusty said...

aw daisy..thanks sista..

Melanie said...

That "cans thing" sounds exactly like something I would do. I've knocked over cereal box displays and all kinds of shit in the grocery store. That guy? You should have called him a cocksucker know, just for fun. They hate that one too:)

Rat In A Cage said...

Oh, she's right -that would have gotten my blood up.