Friday, February 24, 2006 | By: Dusty Taylor

Don't spend two months in your own fucking little world and then come back here and fuck up mine.

I have become used to being alone...in my house..although there IS another adult present at all times. The ball and chain very seldom leaves the couch, hell he doesnt leave the house but maybe every other day.

I tell him he's depressed, he needs some meds and therapy...seriously.,..its prozac time sportsfans.

He's going to the doctor on average three FUCKING times a week...so if THEY haven't noticed he's friggin depressed wtf are they doing?

I cook more than normal for him. He has almost stopped eating, unless I make it. He tells me what he weighs at least once a week..they weigh him at the docs..one of em does. He is seeing two or three of those overpaid hacks, I forget exactly...he hasn't seen his feet in years so this is a good thing, technically.

I ask him if I can get him anything every time I go thru the living room aka his bedroom...usually he takes me up on it..fucker. He had the nads to ask me to turn on the light the other evening. I SO wanted to jump square on his ass..with both feet...and scream "You Lazy sumbitch"...but I dont...cuz he's sick..but I think he's pushing the envelope with me. I am not his nanny and/or butler and he isn't handicapped for christs sake.

But when he comes back into MY space and starts playing "fifty questions" then I get a tad nasty on him. Like telling him to get his ass back up front if he's gonna bust my chops. He accuses me of "chatting" with my boyfriend...LMAO...B doesn't chat..right honey? B isn't my boyfriend..he's my soulmate..poor fucker.

Back to the ball and chain. I understand he has an annoying ring in his ears. I sympathize with him genuinely...but tinnitus is not curable. And everyone that has it, learns to live w/it...they don't have a choice. His isn't painful, so he's lucky in that respect.And its not constant..thats a plus right? They have ruled out all the really horrible things it could be like a blocked artery or an aneurism..so it must be tinnitus. I compare the ringing in his ears to the jets that fly very LOW over Ocean Beach, CA when they take off and land at Lindberg Field..which is like every 20 minutes during certain times of the day I might add. You can't hear people sitting next to you talk, you can't hear the tv or music if its playing, you cant HEAR SHIT except for the drone of those fucking jet engines as they pass overhead.

And I got used to the jets. I never thought I would..but I did. Just like everyone else does that lives in OB for any length of time.

I really want to scream the title of this post at him... But I wont. It wouldnt be nice...he's learning to cope with something horrible. I get that.

I just don't know how long I should let his pity party continue...and I don't understand why the doctors aren't doling out the prozac as depressed as he is around the house.

He could be just jerking MY chain.

But it felt good to write those words in the title..even if I can't say them to him...yet.

16 people gave us their .02 cents:

IT-Chick said...

I found efexor to be more useful than zoloft was in learning to cope with finding out something was "wrong" with me. Crap, I still have a tough time admiting that I am "not like other people" and am limited in what I am and not able to pull off. I have no clue how I'd deal if my music was taken away. But, you live and learn, not that epilepsy was a great joy or that I have reached the end of my coping journey either. Shit, I just had to quit a job over it. Granted, I was happy to leave the hell hole. .. but it pissed me off that I had to give in to the damn "disorder" before I could find another job. But I can be a stubborn fool.

Good luck Dustilicious. I feel for ya'. May he not fuck with you. May his ass find the light switch and his own way to the kitchen. But may his ass find his own way back to the couch.

come to the midwest. You need a vacation.

dusty said...

At least you are aware of your problems and shortcomings and are dealing with them sweetie..he is not.

I am a nurturing person. But this has gone on long enough. I try to gently get him back into some kind of reality and he fights me tooth and nail. I give up and go back to my side of the house. I am at my wits end. I think I will call his Doc monday.

IT-Chick said...

Good Luck darlin'
I keep you in my talks with the Big Guy

Bruce said...

same old shit..other than that, I'm reserving comment for health reasons. ;)

Kurt said...

i think being able to "talk" about it is helpful, dusty. i find committing things to words enables me to deal with them inside myself. sort of like you did when you answered the "anonymous" survey. it is cathartic for us.
i hope your husband is able to find what works for him, either with or without professional help.

As far as jenn & i, she said for me to tell you that I love her. then she said "HAH." we had a blast that afternoon...

Chick said...

I hope he gets the help he needs...I'm glad he has you...

I've lost patience with depressed souls around me before...but then I think...if it was me...would they be there for me? God...I hope so...

black dog said...

That sound's like a country song.

I'm not trying to make light of your situation,I know how you feel, kinda.

dusty said...

LMAO John...exactly..but then, I live in BakeTown so..

Bruce said...

Wait...who's the poor fucker; the b & c or me?

dusty said...

You are B..for being my soulmate..I wasn't clear evidently?

Kurt..you and Jenn are nuts..but then, arent we all :P

Mr. Brightside said...

Being in Bakersfield probably doesn't help. It's a depressing place.

dusty said...

Mr Brightside..hes lived here his entire life..he loves it, so thats not a reason for the depression.It is however a reason for MY depression lol.

Anonymous said...

Ah, the point loma pause ... real cool for a reporter in the middle of a phone interview ... when were you in OB? Ever read The Beacon? Owned it in the late '80s.

BTW: I like Pizza as a Padre. Leadership. Still a good hitter (better than about 70 percent of the other catchers in the majors).

-- howard

dusty said...

I was in OB off and on howard I love that place..of COURSE i read the Beacon..you owned it? Hot damn! I was there in the late 80's and again in the middle 90's..its my home, always will be.

Pizzaman is only good for leadership in my humble POV, he should of signed as a DH with an AL team, his knees wont take the daily grind of catching and he refuses to play first.

Anonymous said...

Pizza doesn't hit well enough anymore to be a DH. DH is no longer an out-to-pasture position. It's for young studs who can't even play first base. Pizza is good enough now for only one thing -- catching.

My partner and I bought The Beacon and Ocean Beach Books (now on Cable) in 1986 and I sold out to him in late 1987. If you read the paper, you saw my picture -- I wrote a regular column (along with Jim Trageser, who is best remembered for his pic of him in a fedor with a cigar). My partner, Keith, still runs OB Books.

A great guy I met back then was Ron James of the James Gang. James gave me my start in online publishing in 1995. He's now content manager for SignOnSanDiego.com.

My other great memory of then was meeting David Wells, then a rookie with the Blue Jays -- drove up to the Big A and interviewed him. Great guy. I played softball with all his old buddies and hung out with them at Cheswick's West.

dusty said...

Mike James is one of my oldest friends in OB. We worked together at Shanty Hogans..I was the fabulous sports waitress, he the bartender. Shanty's is now a Sushi Restaurant. I quit a very lucrative job to waitress for awhile when I burned out.My favorite job was working there as a friggin waitress..it was a joy to go to work and talk sports my whole shift.

I met Wells after he made it big w/the yanks and was basically a drunk,he was an ass that night. I hung at Cheswicks as well...I still know all the female bartenders there.