Monday, June 05, 2006 | By: Dusty Taylor

Esquire:Drinking Database

According to Esquire Magazine, there are many Rules a person should know about consuming alcohol. Just a few that amused me:

4)Never order a frozen drink in a place that serves pickeled eggs.

7)For the sake of the children,leave the pistol at home.

13)At the holiday office party, consume one drink less than your boss.

18)Instead of ordering a shot of "After Shock" to cap off the evening, one could calmly walk out into the street,lie down and wait.

28)No one cares but the bouncer how tough you are, and he already knows your not that tough.

40)Even if you have ascertained the Bartenders name, behaving overtly familiar with him will be seen as a pathetic gambit for free drinks, or worse, proof that you have no body to go to for affection other than a random service-industry professional who in fact, does not know you and just wants your money.

43)Once you have fallen off the barstool, there is nothing you can say that will change the bartender 's mind that its time for you to leave.

7 people gave us their .02 cents:

Helen the Felon said...

I totally disagree with #7. The children shouldn't be at the bar anyway, so they're fair game. No way am I goin' out drinkin' without my gun.

Bruce said...

Speaking from personal experience, are we, oh love of mine? :P

dusty said...

b...yes I have fallen off a barstool..your telling me you have not? what a sheltered life you have led..

Helen..if your going to drag kids to bars, aren't you supposed to lock them in the trunk? If so, then the gun is acceptable I believe.

Bruce said...

Hey, I didn't say I had never fallen off a barstool, babe. ;)

The Stiltwalker said...

oh I should have read this list years ago. I've done all but the kids one. I hate kids. AFTER SHOCK, YES!

dusty said...

Stilts..it was one of the most interesting lists I have read in ages..and sadly I did alot of them too..

CaptainGonzoWriter said...

Never drink in a place thas has no windows. Better yet stay away from places like mugshots or handcuffs-those places have that name for a reason.