Sunday, May 08, 2005 | By: Dusty Taylor

OK..this weeks embarrassing baseball moments..

I worked today..and its mutha's day..bfd..the ball and chain never even mentioned HMD(happy mothers day)..
i am feuding w/my son anyways so let's move on...it was an 11 hour workday to boot..but i digress..i get home and check the sunday baseball scores..and holy mother of god..is that a fucking typo?? THE DIAMONDBACKS AND THE PADRES GOT AN ASSWHIPPING OF GIGANTIC PUPORTIONS...dbacks lost to the pirates..those lowly ass pirates..who can not find their collective asses with BOTH hands.. dem pirates... beat the living bejesus out of the dbacks by a lovely score of: 16-2...the padres score at the hands of the cardinals is similar: 15-5 ...and i say to myself..after a dumbfounded silence..DID I REALLY NEED TO TOP THIS DAY OFF IN THIS METHOD?

I start foaming at the mouth and wiping it off with the back of my hand..my eyes are bulging out of their sockets (and it hurts mind you)....i say in an ever so slightly high-pitched voice: FUCK ME RUNNING..

at this point..the dogs and cats are lining up to exit the bedroom..baby the lab is first in line and although shes very old..she has found a new spring in her step and is beating feet like theres a steak on the floor in the kitchen with her name on it..sasha the whateverthehell she is little dog is second in line and has her nose at babys backside..shes infatuated w/baby's snatch it seems, so thats the only reason shes even in line..nicky the fat old poodle just sighs and gets in line..the cats scurry between the dogs legs and go up to the living room sounding like a herd of cattle at a full on run....

I consider the days events and lack thereof..i am afraid to check my voicemail..it could be the taxman leaving a message saying he was glad he finally found me &when do i plan on paying the 20k in back taxes i owe????

I make the executive decision to leave the voicemail unlistened to till monday morning..i put on ESPNNEWS to see if the suns are aligned wrong and other baseball teams have suffered a similar fate..yes there are others than got flogged by double digit runs...ok..i feel better now..its not just MY teams..three others look like pieces of shit on a well manicured lawn..praise jesus!!!! i can live with it now...i think..

oh..i got beat by double digit numbers in roughly half my fantasy baseball teams..i felt the need to inflict pain on myself to see if i was awake or possibly dreaming this shit..i am awake dammit..so..to all those mutha's out there i will say..hope you had a good sunday..if it was special in ANY way..consider yourself lucky..it could of been a real shit-ass day chicklet..take my word for it..

fuck..i am out of cigarettes..and its after midnight..this day is starting real good too :

oh fucking well..such is life sportsfans..that which does not kill us makes us stronger..at least thats what i tell myself to keep the demons at bay..either that or beat the shit out of my keyboard..typing this whiney ass blog out..i feel better already..

8 people gave us their .02 cents:

Rat In A Cage said...

In my week of shit last week, someone told me that same line about making me stronger. I have never agreed with that philosphy. It is fine if you do, but I thought you might get a laugh from my response to my co-worker. I told him rather calmly, "No, it does not make me any stronger. All it does it put many people's lives at risk. The guy on the freeway who might decide to cut me off today, the person who waits until there $7.14 order is rung up at the food store and then pulls out the checkbook and starts to slowly write the date, the person who just plain old accidentially fucks with me somehow and becomes the outlet for all the pent up frustration I have that is boiling over the top. No, indeed, I say. It does not make me stronger. It's makes me a highly potential psychotic killer so please do not tell me it makes me stronger because the last time I felt like this it was the person who told me that it would 'make me stonger' that became the flashpoint for my full furied release of anger." He walked away, not really sure if he were in danger or not. He wasn't, but I was laughing hysterically on the inside.

HDAMD (Happy Day After Mother's Day)

daisyduke said...

You know, I don't think I said the words, HMD to my mom...but I was at her house and spent the entire day with her, including driving home 5 plus hours in traffic and rain...If you were my mom, you would have recieved 3 dorky cards, and a CD with Zen music on it...(my little "maybe you could relax" suggestion)
I hope today is better than yesterday, my friend...and your labors won't go unnoticed forever, I'm sure. Happy Monday

Bruce said...

First off..late Happy Mother's Day, boo. You know I love ya :-)...

Secondly, eleven runs in the first will go a long way towards an ass-whipping. Poor Redding couldn't find the plate, then he leaves with a shoulder injury. I truly hope he's ok. If it makes you feel any better, the Cards lost Molina to a sprained ankle late in the game. ;-) Buck up, my love..it'll get better, I promise.

You've Got What I Need... said...

wow. I have no idea what that was about. Sports are soo beyond me, but now I know where to get the 411!

dusty said...

john....0nly you could twist that freaking saying around..i swear to god..you kill me..well hopefully NOT literally dear..just figuratively..

dusty said...

B...your love is the only thing that keeps me going most days..thanks sweetness:D

Rat In A Cage said...

I'm sorry. Did you say something? I am looking at that sweet set of lips.

Col. Dr. said...

awesome