Saturday, May 21, 2005 | By: Dusty Taylor

Baseball News for the week..

The ever popular Yank$ are above .500 for the first time in like forever...i am sure one particular fan is all aglow w/this news..They are five games out of first...BOSTON is in second and only one game out of first..hahahahaha..first place in the AL East is currently being occupied by those morons from Baltimore..the O's...god..the only way they got first is because the usual suspects are sucking ass so far this season..its a fluke folks..dont expect them to hold this spot till the All-Star break..at least i fucking don't..

The Chicago White Sox..the bastard children of Chi-town are still in first by 5.5 games..this does not surprize me..the AL(Comedy) Central always sucks ass..but the ChiSox are doing amazingly well considering NO FUCKING ONE goes to their games..they would rather pay out the nose to watch the damn Cubbies LOSE...morons..the fans not the teams folks..

The California-Anaheim-Los Angeles Angels are still holding down first in a pathetic division..2 of the 4 teams in this division cant even play .500 ball for gods sake..and the angels are only 24-17...disgusting numbers for a team in first..second worst for all of Major League Baseball...we will get to the worst numbers in a sec..

The Florida Marlins lead the NL West with a lackluster 22-16 record..they get my vote only because i cant stand to see the friggin Braves in first all the time in that division..fuck them Braves..bastards win the division every stinking year and promptly get knocked off in the first round of the playoffs..Bobby Cox can collect Social Security now i think..and he should be judging by how his team is playing..

The St. Louis Cards are still leading the NL West..by a whopping 7 games..tied for best record with the AL East leading O's..amazing...course i wonder how the fuck they are doing it since Jim Edmonds aint hitting for shit and Scott Rolen is on the DL(disabled list)..i have both them sumbitches in all my fantasy leagues and they are fucking KILLING me..bastards..

And finally..my NL West is being led by none other than..drumroll please...THE SAN DIEGO PADRES..dont ask me how or why..i dont look a gift horse in the fucking mouth..they dont ask you how you won, just if you won..the Barry Bond-less Giants are in the shitter..otherwise known as fourth place...just above the dipshits from Colorado..the hated Dodgers who were in first (until the padres woke up and found out that it aint no big deal to play a little small ball and win 15 out of their last 18) are in third by 3.5 games..hahaha...fuck them no playing mofos...the AZ Diamondbacks are in second, a half game out of first..this presents a problem for moi..being a fan of both teams..i have a hard time figuring out who to root for alot of the time..especially when they play each other..sucks to be me eh?

On a lighter note..Randy Johnson got his clocked cleaned today by the OTHER nyc team ,the Mets..put a big smile on MY face..till i remembered i have that geeky ugly bastard on alot of my fantasy teams..fucker gave up 4 runs and 12 friggin hits before they yanked his ass in the middle of the 7th inning..for those unfamiliar with baseball..RJ plays for the Yank$..and he doesnt have an ounce of cartiledge in one of his gimpy knees..and the yanks are paying him a fucking fortune.. the Mets at least have a winning record so far this year..more than the Yank$ can say..i would love to know what the owner of the Yanks thinks of the Mets beating his beloved Yanks on a sunny saturday afternoon..it couldnt of been pretty in THAT luxury box today boys and girls..

The next week or so in Baseball is devoted to whats known as "Interleague Play" which means the National League teams play the American League teams..i personally think this is sacriledge..it aint natural folks..kinda like making out with your sister or brother...or feeling up your aunt..its just plain disgusting..the NL should meet the AL in the World Series..the ONLY time they should cross pollinate in MY book...its been that way forever..but Buddy Selig and his crew came up w/this shit to increase fan attendance at the games..its ONLY FOR the MONEY HONEY...but who am i to bitch right? I would pay big bucks to be sitting in LA watching the Angels beat the living shit out of those Dodgers..with the ball and chain at my side turning five shades of red..the dodger-loving fuckstick that he is....oh yeah..just for DAISY...the Rangers killed the ASTROS today m'dear..the score is currently 12-2 in the 6th inning..i think they won yesterday as well..not bad for the AssRangers eh?

ok..thats it for this week..tune in next Saturday for a synopsis of the interleague bullshit..over and out...

3 people gave us their .02 cents:

Rat In A Cage said...

Not for nothing, but going into Saturday's game the Yanks & the Mets were both 22-20. I know you're giddy with the Padres so I'll let it slide.

Also, the Braves did manage to get to the World Series in 1996 and even take a 2-0 lead. Then, the Yanks won 4 straight to take the series 4-2.

The Braves also made it all the way to the World Series in 1999 but they got swept by the Yanks 4-0.

That, of course was the year after the Yanks swept the Padres 4-0 and the year before they kicked Mets ass 4-1 in the World Series.

With results like that, you'll pardon this Yankee fan for not being too woried in the month of May.

(I am glad to see your teams doing well, except your tercery team, the Blow Sucks)

dusty said...

jeez..did we get up on the wrong side of the bed? the teams leading this time of year very seldom hold onto that momentum thru October..dont get your panties in a wad there dude..

Rat In A Cage said...

Just trying to be factually correct. I guess it is the fault of the job I do all week.

I woke up on the porch with some naked chick. I guess we were both doing the naked dance for the neighbors.