Deep Throat finally comes forward..and no we aren't talking about Linda Lovelace..

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

for the men who appreciate a comfortable nights sleep in the cradle of love..

This gratuitous boobage shot is for john..its an actual bra worn by the blues artist Candye Kane..she has them made into pillows and sells them..no shit folks i swear its true..john..you want one for your birthday sweetie? :) she says on her website they are "theraputic"..hmmm

Speaking of logos..here is another one

The logo for the local chapter of the blues society..just a gratuitous shot folks..no deep meaning here.. its one of those dayz here in bakersfrigginfield..nothing much to report cept i now have a small neighborhood war waged against the trailer trash mofo's next door..more on that later..

My Summer Vacation..

The promoter for the event! I love this logo..
We left early for the coast..we couldnt wait to get on the road..keep in mind that 75% of the trip was on little one lane roads..well one lane on each side..and a shitload of trucks, motorhomes and just general slow-assed drivers stood between us and the coast.

My son begged me to let him drive..he knows how i get when traffic gets my blood pressure up..i said no of course..poor guy white knuckled it all the way there..for some reason he figured we would end up as a hood ornament for a large semi..silly boy..I know how to pass fifteen cars at one time..no sweat..

We made it in a little over two hours..not bad considering the traffic. We arrived at the motel..a motel 6...now the only reason we were staying at a motel 6 was because i waited too late to make a reservation at a decent place..oh well no big deal..it was only one nite..
It did turn out to be a big deal however..the witch at the front desk said no rooms were ready..come back in a couple hours..Wrong! I had somewhere to be in twenty minutes..we drove over t0 the concert venue and found out that once inside you couldnt leave..so we drove back over to the motel and found there were suddenly plenty of rooms available and the line was out the door..bitch...so i stood in line for 45 minutes to get our friggin room. We got to the venue two hours late and missed half the acts..we caught the Fabulous Thunderbirds and Robert Cray....oh well thats who i really wanted to see anyways..

My car has "handicapped" plates on it..we refer to them as "sick,lame or lazy" plates..my husband put them on, he's the sick lame or lazy one in our house..I usually do not use them since they arent assigned to me..but on this day..the guy at the gate saw them and immediately said..oh hey we got a spot for ya up here by the entrance to the venue..i was NOT about to turn it down and have to walk 20 minutes uphill and miss more music..so that part was nice..

So we entered the venue..great outdoor natural amphitheater on a golf course..I had reserved seating..the "golden circle" seats..my son paid for General Admission..so we split up and made sure our cell phones had signals..i had a center seat in the FOURTH ROW! fucking awesome eh? I noticed that most of the folks sitting around me were of the same age group and older...guess just us old fuckers want to be comfortable..fine w/me! The place had a full bar and was serving bbq ribs, chicken and a bunch of stuff..i didnt eat. The bar was kinda pricey..mixed well drinks were 5 bucks a pop..and in teeny weeny fucking plastic cups..so i said fuck it..we were in "wine country" central cali so I did what most of the people were doing in the "golden circle", i got a bottle of chardonnay and a bucket of ice..they didnt want to give me the bucket of ice..they said "um..it doesnt come w/a bucket of ice ma'am"..i said the 4 pack of Corona's does..i want the same treatment and if needed I will pay extra for the bucket..the chick had a pained expression on her face..she said..well, we arent supposed to do that..i was ready to buy the four fucking corona's AND the bottle of wine when she suggested an empty corona case full of ice at no charge..FABULOUS! I said..i went back to my seat happy as a clam...

The lady sitting next to me immediately asked how I commandeered a box of ice..i told her i just asked..she said.."shit, my husband wont be that bright how much you want to bet?"....i said i aint taking that bet i got one of those kind at home myself..i offered free space in the corona case to her if her husband returned ice-less..which he did of course..they were all friendly after that and it made for a nicer afternoon for moi..having someone to talk to between groups and shit..they offered me some of their veggies and peanut butter..i said no thanks dont want to ruin my buzz..
The Fab T-Birds were awesome as was Robert Cray..it was a very enjoyable afternoon inspite of all the old broads dancing at the front of the stage..nothing worse than a drunk geriatric bunch trying to relive their youth..oh well, they were having fun, i would of just thrown out my back so I didnt join in...i called my son a couple times to make sure he was enjoying himself and not under arrest for something obsure like telling a cop to go fuck himself..he was fine and had found a nice group to party with..i am sure the expensive bag of medicinal grade pot he was carrying helped him find his new best friends..When it ended it was very nice to only have to walk five minutes to the car and be out on the road..made it back to our room and the Nascar race was still on..watched that and had a nice convo w/the kid..he was very happy we had done the road trip together and wants to make it a yearly event for us..i agreed but next time we get a room early at a nicer place and make an entire weekend out of it..We enjoyed each others company more than we have in ages..it was great to laugh and joke with him...we never spend any time together anymore..one of us is always busy or going somewhere..he liked it so much he wants to go over to the coast once a month together..made me feel warm and fuzzy....like the old days when he was a kid and it was just him and I against the world...I brought up the subject of him "getting out on his own" and he actually said he was comtemplating it lately himself..AWESOME...i cant wait for that to happen..he needs to find out what its like in the real world.. :)So there it is..my essay on my summer vacation..wasnt much but it was fun..which in the end is all that counts..hope everyone had a good weekend as well

O for the Love of Pete..people are actually surprized at this outcome?

The lovely state of Ohio has egg on it's face these days..to put it mildly..some GOP fundraising whiz pryed 50 MILLION dollars out of the hands of the State Workers Comp fund for "investment" purposes..yeah right..the guy was a coin investor as a "side" job..oh..he was also a lying sack of shit, but anyways..13 mil of the coins are nowhere to be found and the Republicans that run the state all are suspect in playng footsie with this guy..aw..couldnt happen to a nicer bunch of folks...i feel that the least these guys can be considered at this point is..FELONY DUMB..coins are an investment for the wealthy, or those that know alot about them..the state had no business investing state funds in this endeavor perpetuated by a close drinking buddy..which if you think about it..thats what he was..he was a pimp for the Republican party who specialized in getting folks drunk and then sticking his hand in their pockets for their cash...which come to think of it is probably what he did to that asshole who controlled the funds for the state workers comp insurance fund..hope everyone involved gets a cell with someone named BUBBA..

the link to the whole sordid mess can be found in the title as per usual..

The Senate tells Bolton to cool his heels till June7th..

Thank god the Senate kept those nuts they rented the other day..they came in handy for the filibuster and vote regarding the confirmation of John Bolton(no relation to Michael). For those of you unfamiliar with JB, he an overbearing, psychotic fuckstick that the BUSHIES nominated for the next ambassador to the UN. He has all the charm and finesse of a pimp who thinks his bitch is holding out on him. What he lacks in class he more than makes up for as the grade school bully. Bushies' philosophy is that we need a stronge, take-no-shit type of ambassador. I say there is a world of difference between being a firm negotiator and being a prick that browbeats, humiliates and threatens people into submission if they dont see everything his way. He has the temperment of a fire ant..and if you have never stood on the side of a highway in texas in flip-flops being stung mercilessly by fireants you have no idea how nasty i mean. Somehow I think putting someone like this in the UN is a real beavis and butthead type of move that only the BUSHIES could come up with. I guess their thinking is this: If they dont agree with OUR policies then we will just sic old John on em, then they wont know what the fuck hit em. Of course people will always come over to your way of thinking when you treat them like shit and act like a raving lunatic that just got a weekend pass from the funny farm. I used to negotiate settlements between large companies for a living..large monetary ones but settlements nonetheless.My idea of negotiating is a little give and take so everyone feels they got to walk away with something and some semblance of dignity..Boltons is very one sided..he just takes, and if you dont give him what he wants then he brings out the baseball bat and beats it out of you. I am the LAST person to ever be accused of finesse..i say what i think very bluntly most times..but i pick my place and my time. Its called picking your battles..Bolton just walks into every fight w/that big ol fucking baseball bat and dares anyone to fuck w/him..real sweetheart eh? Yeah, that kind of mentality will win over the fence-sitters at the UN..Bolton as about as much compassion as those fucking fireants that ate me alive when i was trying to change that goddamn tire in the middle of nowhere on that godforsaken texas two-lane highway..but thats another story for another time..

Hope everyone will have a fun Memorial Weekend...I know I will..

I will be going to the ocean with the kid..you remember..the one that WONT move out..i considered putting off the trip since the ball and chain is not in the best of health lately..but the doc gave him some meds and said hes not dying yet. its just a day trip for a most excellent Blues Festival..the Fabulous Thunderbirds, Robert Cray and others will be there...its being held on a golf course by the sea in the little town of Avila..i havent been to this area since i was a teenager..should be interesting and at the very least..not hot!!! Bakersfrigginfield has been baking to put it mildly..i could of swore we broke a 100 but the weather gods on various local tv stations say we didnt..so everyone have a nice weekend doing whatever it is that you do when you have three days to unwind..sleep in...lounge in front of the telly...sit in your backyard with a burger in one hand and a cool brew in the other..

in other local news..Buck Owens put up eight count em eight statues of various country music icons at his lil concert hall this evening..lots of celebrities in the music world showed up to play with ol bucky..i still can NOT stand his voice or bob dylan's..dont get me wrong..bobby can write some music but the man sounds like a cat w/his tail caught in the door..the big surprize of the event tonight was that Garth Brooks proposed to Trisha Yearwood..most were hoping he was coming out of retirement..he was coming allright..but not out of retirement it seems..

the "no shit shirley" story of the day was some poor gas meter reader got shot by some crazed loon when he went to read the guys meter today..the dipshit shot him in the hand and the back..he's gonna be fine thank god..they jailed the "short bus" rider and charged him w/attempted murder..his brother says hes not "all there"..NO....REALLY? oh yeah...bakersfrigginfield is now home to the largest ICE CREAM factory in the western world..i think that explains the disporportionate amount of fatasses living in this valley..who all think wearing skin tight shirts exposing their more than ample middles is a sign of beauty..on a lighter note..at least its a Dreyers plant..

RaptorCams: A fantastic view that we would never see otherwise..

I love the raptors. The falcons, eagles and owls are so stunningly beautiful and sadly so hard to find with the onslaught of home building in their habitat. I know, we all need houses to live in..I will not debate this shit here..I only wanted to post a website that offers a look into the breeding, hatching and care of raptor young. It requires a sign-up using your email address but they swear they dont sell the addy's. They could be lying their collective asses off, but i dont give a shit..i love the site and thats what spam filters are for..

I am a big webcam nut..NO..NOT the porn type of webcams..webcams of the Eiffel Tower at sunrise the Danube at sunset and the Seine on a fantastic afternoon in Paris..I watch the sunset on the Grand Canyon at least a couple times a week too..I also have one I watch of just a corner in NYC..I miss living in a booming metropolis at times..if anyone wishes to have the links to some of these webcams I will post them..just put a comment in the box ok? If you want to spend some time looking at the Raptors just click on the title of this post..the link is embedded there..

National Geographic's Online Tornado Exhibit

I have never experienced a tornado. I have had the "pleasure" of experiencing hurricanes and of course earthquakes. I do not fear earthquakes, but I do have a fear of the unknown, which in this case is a tornado. So being curious as hell I enjoyed this online video exhibit. Its the first time anyone has placed a "probe" in the direct path of a tornado, much less on the ground and it survived. I am sure this might be a disturbing video for folks that have experienced the devastation that a tornado can produce. So..do not watch it if this is the case for you. The video link is in the title of this post..the home page is here: http://magma.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0404/feature1/index.html

The boob tube...catering to the masses..

does anyone ever wonder why they watch the stuff they watch on tv? some of the stuff is like a car crash..its nasty, depressing and sometimes down right gross...but we sit and watch it anyway..sorta like passing a gruesome accident..everybody looks over at it..dont lie..you know you look..anyways..it just occured to me that i very seldom watch series tv..only one i can think of right now is "24" which ends tonite..i usually watch sports or the reporting of sports aka espn...its never a repeat and you never know the outcome..plus you don't have to pay attention if you dont want to..you can listen and get the 411..reality shows for the most part offer voyeurism at its best..and there are more and more of these suckers on all the time..i used to watch "Survivor" but it seems so phony and fixed now...the fox channel seems to thrive on this kinda crapola..and i guess people watch it or it wouldnt be on for long..right? the ones that have a touch of humor I can handle..queer eye for the straight guy isnt too bad..and for the record..i never saw a fucking episode of "Raymond" that dufus mofo did nothing for me..and i couldnt figure out why his wife who seemed fairly intelligent would put up w/him and his relatives..oh..i do like the "west wing"..and probably because it had left wing tendancies..i am not too proud to admit that..the summertime now gives me the ability to see any episodes I missed and hopefully they will put some decent filler shows on..but i dont hold my breath on that...i would rather read other peoples blogs than watch most of the mindless shit they spoon feed us nowadays..

Drama Queen Extraordinaire

I usually try to keep my blog light-hearted..sometimes I get a lil mushy and gushy..but this post is serious..sorry folks if you do not like serious get the fuck out now..come back later ok?

My mum..the lord high leader of drama is pulling another one of her trips..she is in denial about her emphysema…well, she has landed her boney ass back in the hospital again..she lives in Missouri(thank god) and my middle sibling resides with her. I have nothing but sympathy and sorrow for my sis, I could not live with that woman..Now, being a smoker I understand the risks involved and I have vowed to give up cigs eventually..especially if my health starts taking a downward slide due to the cigs..my mother refuses to give the bastards up..she is going down the tubes at a rapid rate this last year ..i fail to see why she is so hellbent on quickening her death..if she wants to die I will buy her a gun and show her how to use it..personally I can not fathom why someone would keep doing something so harmful to themselves..none of us smoke around her, we try to convince her to quit by telling her we love her and want her around to see all the grandkids everyone keeps making..my yuppie sista from hell even has the woman stay w/her all winter which god knows is a major chore and possibly the reason the YSFH becomes a real bitch for those months..ANYWAYS..the woman told my poor sista NOT TO TELL ANY OF US ON THE LEFT COAST..can you believe it? To put my poor sista in THAT position is so pissing me off..i am foaming at the mouth just thinking of it again..what if the ol bat died? My sis would of hated herself for following her request…I personally would of told her to fuck off and called everyone..course that’s just me..i very seldom do what I am told..Karen..my sis, asked her why this stupid edict and mommy dearest response was..”I don’t want to hear any shit from them about my smoking”

Poor K finally could not handle it and spilled her guts to the youngest sibling Laurie Saturday afternoon..L sounded drunk as a skunk when she left the message on my home recorder..immediately we all started calling each other and bitching and moaning about her latest escapade..bear in mind that mumzie usually goes to the hospital with the “big one” at least once a year during the Christmas season..this provides her with a large audience all in one place, surrounding her bedside..the doctors always say she is full of shit, her heart is fine, she did not have the “big one” but she needs to quit smoking or she will die of something lung related….she refuses to admit she has emphysema..she calls it asthma for gods sake..she will not let anyone speak to her doctors for fear that we will actually know what the fuck is wrong or NOT wrong w/her…and if I had that acting talent I would be on my way to Hollywood looking for an agent.

Now..i love my mother..i find her dramatic bullshit hard to take most of the time, but I love her DEARLY..she was a lousy mother but I got over that shit awhile back..my whole problem now is ..should I give her what she wants and ignore her crazy ass..or should I call her and rip her a new one? The third choice of course is to call and be nice..BUT FOLKS, THAT AINT ME..i NEVER keep my mouth shut..never ever..i say what I feel no matter what the cost..so..in the mean time..i will not call…its better to say nothing that go off on her right? Hell I hate this shit…she will never change..and neither will I. She plays games with everyone but me..i refuse to let her play games w/my head..when she threw around the “C” word last month I lost it on her..she promptly shut the hell up about it..she had everyone worked up but me..i called her ass on it..i said..if the doc didn’t use the fucking “c” work..why the hell do you? She had thrush for gods sake..not mouth cancer..

So many blogs..so little time to enjoy them..or..I blog therefor I am..

i have become a blog whore...i can not get enough blogs to read, i am addicted to them..sad isn't it? there are so many good writers out there and i find myself spending more and more time dashing about the blog world searching for more and more blogs. If I posted all the good blogs I find MY blog would just basically become one huge link to them all...there is NO particular order to my links..i just stick one in mindlessly..but it seems that one great blog begets more, so i like to suggest that if you click on one of my favorites check out who they are reading since they are sure to have many excellent ones in their links as well..i used to be a chat whore, enjoying the interaction live with others that had the same interests as myself. With blogging, the only common ground many times is just the love of writing and that seems to be enough for moi although I have found soulmates that match with me in many regards. I find myself sitting for hours reading now..which in and of itself is not a bad thing..but when you forgo the laundry or tell the ball and chain to make his own damn dinner simply because you can not tear yourself away from blogging..this seems to be a problem..an addiction..do they have a bloggers self-help group similar to AA?

I will leave you with this small question..If a drunk falls down on an empty street..does he/she make a sound if there is no one there to hear it?

In other sports news...

Andrew Golota is a friggin idiot..the man gave it all he had for 53 fucking seconds tonight against WBO Heavyweight Champ Lamon Brewster..its NOT a typo..53 seconds into the 1st round he was knocked the hell out..its over folks, nothing to see here, drive home safely....the highlights on espn were actually the whole freaking fight..amazing..

The Winner of the Preakness Afleet Alex was knocked to his knees in the final stretch of the race and came back to beat their collective asses..the jockey had one helluva incredible ride on that pony..if you have never been tossed by a horse you have no idea how scary it is..especially with 15 others bearing down on you at full tilt..Jeremy Rose is one fantastic rider and shouldnt have a problem getting rides from here on out..so no triple crown again this year..but what a race..

Speaking of racing..the oldest driver in the field won the nascar all-star race..46 yr old Mark Martin took home a cool 1.1. million...nice payday for a race that doesnt even count in the points!!!! plus he was driving a car with a retro paint scheme from his glory days..aww..a kodak moment martha..get the camera hun...

and on a final note..for john who seems to like statistics..RJ hasnt had a double digit strikeout game yet this season..its the first time in over FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS he hasn't done that by now... can you say: "hes on the downside of his career" and steinbrenner is paying him millions and millions of dollars to NOT perform up to even his USUAL standards...the met's relief pitcher got a dinger off of him today..not that it mattered...the yanks weren't hitting for shit anyways.. :)

Baseball News for the week..

The ever popular Yank$ are above .500 for the first time in like forever...i am sure one particular fan is all aglow w/this news..They are five games out of first...BOSTON is in second and only one game out of first..hahahahaha..first place in the AL East is currently being occupied by those morons from Baltimore..the O's...god..the only way they got first is because the usual suspects are sucking ass so far this season..its a fluke folks..dont expect them to hold this spot till the All-Star break..at least i fucking don't..

The Chicago White Sox..the bastard children of Chi-town are still in first by 5.5 games..this does not surprize me..the AL(Comedy) Central always sucks ass..but the ChiSox are doing amazingly well considering NO FUCKING ONE goes to their games..they would rather pay out the nose to watch the damn Cubbies LOSE...morons..the fans not the teams folks..

The California-Anaheim-Los Angeles Angels are still holding down first in a pathetic division..2 of the 4 teams in this division cant even play .500 ball for gods sake..and the angels are only 24-17...disgusting numbers for a team in first..second worst for all of Major League Baseball...we will get to the worst numbers in a sec..

The Florida Marlins lead the NL West with a lackluster 22-16 record..they get my vote only because i cant stand to see the friggin Braves in first all the time in that division..fuck them Braves..bastards win the division every stinking year and promptly get knocked off in the first round of the playoffs..Bobby Cox can collect Social Security now i think..and he should be judging by how his team is playing..

The St. Louis Cards are still leading the NL West..by a whopping 7 games..tied for best record with the AL East leading O's..amazing...course i wonder how the fuck they are doing it since Jim Edmonds aint hitting for shit and Scott Rolen is on the DL(disabled list)..i have both them sumbitches in all my fantasy leagues and they are fucking KILLING me..bastards..

And finally..my NL West is being led by none other than..drumroll please...THE SAN DIEGO PADRES..dont ask me how or why..i dont look a gift horse in the fucking mouth..they dont ask you how you won, just if you won..the Barry Bond-less Giants are in the shitter..otherwise known as fourth place...just above the dipshits from Colorado..the hated Dodgers who were in first (until the padres woke up and found out that it aint no big deal to play a little small ball and win 15 out of their last 18) are in third by 3.5 games..hahaha...fuck them no playing mofos...the AZ Diamondbacks are in second, a half game out of first..this presents a problem for moi..being a fan of both teams..i have a hard time figuring out who to root for alot of the time..especially when they play each other..sucks to be me eh?

On a lighter note..Randy Johnson got his clocked cleaned today by the OTHER nyc team ,the Mets..put a big smile on MY face..till i remembered i have that geeky ugly bastard on alot of my fantasy teams..fucker gave up 4 runs and 12 friggin hits before they yanked his ass in the middle of the 7th inning..for those unfamiliar with baseball..RJ plays for the Yank$..and he doesnt have an ounce of cartiledge in one of his gimpy knees..and the yanks are paying him a fucking fortune.. the Mets at least have a winning record so far this year..more than the Yank$ can say..i would love to know what the owner of the Yanks thinks of the Mets beating his beloved Yanks on a sunny saturday afternoon..it couldnt of been pretty in THAT luxury box today boys and girls..

The next week or so in Baseball is devoted to whats known as "Interleague Play" which means the National League teams play the American League teams..i personally think this is sacriledge..it aint natural folks..kinda like making out with your sister or brother...or feeling up your aunt..its just plain disgusting..the NL should meet the AL in the World Series..the ONLY time they should cross pollinate in MY book...its been that way forever..but Buddy Selig and his crew came up w/this shit to increase fan attendance at the games..its ONLY FOR the MONEY HONEY...but who am i to bitch right? I would pay big bucks to be sitting in LA watching the Angels beat the living shit out of those Dodgers..with the ball and chain at my side turning five shades of red..the dodger-loving fuckstick that he is....oh yeah..just for DAISY...the Rangers killed the ASTROS today m'dear..the score is currently 12-2 in the 6th inning..i think they won yesterday as well..not bad for the AssRangers eh?

ok..thats it for this week..tune in next Saturday for a synopsis of the interleague bullshit..over and out...

Some of that "Circle of Life" shit...

One of the feral cats i feed had kittens in my back yard roughly a month ago. She is a sweet lil thing, only one eye and not even a year old yet..but she's a great mother..her kittens have the same shit wrong w/their eyes so i got some med's and one or two times a day me and the ball and chain go round up the four kittens, bring them inside in a box and medicate the lil suckers..then take them back out and put them under the old box spring they are living under.

The kittens are about 4-5 weeks old and exploring their "hood"..they dont seem to have any fear yet so its easy to catch them. I talk to the little fuckers while i am cleaning out their eyes. When i have the back door open and they hear my voice they come up to the porch now and peek in thru the screendoor. I opened it today and the siamese-looking one came in and played around w/Scooter for a few min..Scooter is the one i rescued from the jaws of a pit bull about a year ago. he was sick as shit and skinny..barely alive..now hes the biggest fucking cat i have ever seen..but enough on scooter..

so i wonder what should i do w/these kittens? i think i should clean them up and take them to a no-kill animal shelter..ferals make good pets when you get them young..everyone in the house has a favorite but the ball and chain says NO MORE CATS...i could also get them neutered and just keep them as outside critters..cuz i feed half the fucking neighborhoods cats anyways..its buffet time over at dustys house pass the word..i buy dry cat food in bulk..and i always have clean water for them..

so fuck me blind..what should i do w/these lil buggers??...i am keeping one of them i dont care what the ball and chain says..IN THE HOUSE..hes the runt..hes the loner too..always laying by himself...i have maybe another week until they will be too old to tame according to everything i have read online...times running out..

i watched a life end this week, i gotta do what i can for these guys..dont ya think?

The hardest thing i will ever have to do..

I have to put my sister's dog to sleep today..its not my job but i volunteered. I would want someone to do the same for me. He attacked the math tutor last nite and then went after my sister's husband..its more than anyone can take..they have tried literally half a dozen doggy psych's and spent hundreds of $$$$ on everything from medications to training, all to no avail. Her and I have been crying all morning, i told her to leave I will sit and do the death watch..I gotta hand it to her, i do not think i could of put the effort and the money into the dog that she has...since she has no idea of his background, its hard to say why he has gone berserk like this..attacking your own master is NOT a normal dog behavior and even the professionals are at a loss to figure out this whole mess...all i know is this..it hurts more than i can bear and watching my sister suffer the guilt of wondering if she could of done more is breaking my heart..i think she has done all that is humanly possible for this dog, its time for him to go to sleep..he will no longer be a jumbled nervous mess and everyone in her household can now relax and not worry if he is going to rip their face off as he has been attempting to do the last few months..hes just a lil guy..a yorkie..i cant type anymore..i cant see my monitor...later sportsfans..

I am Out of town..an old post revisited..

OK...I am out of town till Wed so in case some folks just dont have a friggin thing to read..here is something I wrote roughly a year and a half ago while the big fires were burning in San Diego(which is where I am now :)

They say there are fires in San Diego RIGHT NOW. That’s not THE PROPER PERSPECTIVE….SAN DIEGO IS ON FIRE…THAT’S WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.
SO I SIT, FOUR HOURS AWAY, THREE IF YOU DRIVE LIKE ME, AND I LISTEN AND WATCH UPDATES ON THE INTERNET. ALWAYS REFRESHING PAGES FOR THE LATEST INFORMATION. IT SUCKS TO BE SO FAR AWAY WHEN EVERYTHING YOU GREW UP WITH IS IN FLAMES..OR ABOUT TO BE IT SEEMS. ALL THE AREAS I KNOW SO WELL, THAT I CAN SEE IN MY MINDS EYE ARE BURNING RIGHT NOW..
I HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN EITHER THE CANYONS AND MESA’S OF SAND DIEGO, OR THE COAST..I HATE THE FLAT LANDS..REMINDS ME OF THE MIDWEST (NOTHING DEROGATORY BOUT THE MID WEST, I JUST DON’T FIT IN THERE). THE FIRESTORM THAT IS OVERTAKING PEOPLES HOMES HAS AFFECTED PEOPLE I KNOW AND LOVE.
My sister and her family of 4 are now housing life long friends a family of 5 plus critters numbering 3. various hampsters,cats,dogs big and small. They ALL might be relocating again because my sister’s house is now in the firestorm path. I of course, cannot get information quick enough. The TV channels broadcasting live are not accessible in bakersfrigginfield. The internet is only as good as the people that update it..no live feeds of a city in flames. So, I have to keep refreshing and making myself NOT call my sister every 10 minutes to see if she has packed up her life and put it in their truck and car. There is only one way out for her now, and she’s still not taking it. She tells me Steve’s house is gone, and Kelly and Shawn’s is next, and she thinks surely john hine’s house is gone because they are reporting that neighborhood has totally vanished from the face of the earth. The house that Rick and Jean were building is prolly gone, and now their current house is being evacuated. They are taking what they can do his business office, and keeping their animals there also. But she has to go, and I understand. She has to keep thinking about what it is that can go with them in the confined spaces of a truck and a car. She promises to call me every couple hours, and the last thing she says is…I LOVE YOU……and that scares the shit out of me since MY sister never says I LOVE YOU. I am always the one to say I LOVE YOU first.
So I call my youngest sister, Laurie whose son spent the nite with Kassey, the sister in the firestorms path. Laurie is unable to get to her son and she is frantic since Kassey will not leave yet. I tell her not to stress, Kassey will know when its time to leave, she isn’t stupid. Kassey might be a pain in the ass but she isn’t stupid. I wouldn’t know what to take or when to leave either I tell Laurie, you son will be fine; he just won’t be home tonite..You see, all the freeways and roads running thru the middle of the city are closed..The fire is burning its way to the ocean and its seeking the path of least resistance, the canyons and mesa’s I know so well. Three major freeways most of which are six laned, are engulfed in flames..hip hopping over the lanes like they are nothing more than a country dirt road. Laurie keeps giving me updates from the local TV stations that are showing streets exploding one at a time, as she repeats the names of the streets. I hate that I recognize the names and I can visualize the buildings exteriors perfectly in my mind while she is calling them off. She was at a religious retreat for the weekend..High up in the mountains east of San Diego. She had no TV or radio, and when she rounded the last curve coming down the mountain, she said the shock will never leave her of what she saw…. SAN DIEGO IS ON FIRE. She turned on her radio to confirm what she was seeing. Her description of the carnage was sickening and sad. She was filled with pain and sorrow watching houses pop and burn like matchbooks on the hillsides surrounding her drive home. The speed is what she remembers most..how fast the flames raced from house to house, tornados of flames eating houses, like a NASCAR race to the finish. The flames can be seen for miles and miles and Laurie remembers they looked like they were five stories high with ash bellowing and swirling around everything. You can’t go outside she says, the smoke is as thick as fog and the ash keeps falling like rain drops.
So I look at a clock for the hundredth time, wanting to call Kassey to see if she’s left yet. It’s only been 45 minutes since I talked to her last, but it feels like hours. I tell Laurie to call me later with updates since I can no longer sit and listen to her relive her drive home. I tell her again, Kassey will not jeopardize all the kids and people now under her roof and they will leave when they are told to go. But Laurie isn’t buying this, she says the people on TV say not to wait, there aren’t enough emergency services workers to drive all the hundreds of streets in danger right now. All the neighborhoods like Serra mesa, mira mesa, Claremont, Poway, Scripps ranch, romona..the list is endless. I call it “The Great Conflagration”. The name that was given to the great Chicago fire. Sadly it fits Laurie says, because San Diego is on fire and they haven’t even begun to put it out.

My sisters house was spared but alot of our friends weren't so lucky. Most are rebuilt or in the final stages of rebuilding..I still get goosebumps when i drive thru the neighborhoods because you can still tell what happened and you remember what horrific toll it took.

Going to SD for the weekend.a primer of sorts..

I could NOT post this friday morning when i wrote it..blogger was being a bitch and i had to save it or lose it...kiss my ass blogger..wrap your blogging lips round my arse you lousy bitch..

I take off this afternoon for the city of my birth..San Diego..my sister and her family are going to Houston to see my neice graduate from Sam Houston State and they need a babysitter for the hounds of the baskerville. She is a criminology major who went to school on a full-ride scholarship in softball. Man..can that girl hit the shit out of a softball! She did it in FOUR YEARS TOO FOLKS...Since fighting crime runs in the family(my father,2 uncles, a cousin and my bro) she has chosen a proud profession. I am usually on the other side of that coin however..being an ol hippie and all..but thats another story for another time..

The trip will hopefully be uneventful, the dogs will not die, I wont get arrested and I will be able to catch a few decent sunsets or sun rises with my trusty digital camera. The only reason i bring up arrests is that road rage rears its ugly head for me when i return to the "city". Bakersfield has no traffic to speak of, and San Diego has it seemingly 24/7 these days..I have a hard time with idiot drivers that venture out onto the roadways..i feel they should all be forced to take public transportation for their indescretions behind the wheel. If you can't keep up in the fast lane move your happy ass over pal..nothing makes me crazy like some jackass doing 65 in the Left Lane and the lane next to him is friggin empty..my motto is this: The Left Lane is for passing or breaking the sound barrier..whichever seems most relavent at the time. Now most of SD's freeways have a minimum of four to six lanes..the slow moving mofo's can use the right three, the far left one is reserved for nimrods such as myself that relish a nice drive at 80-85 MPH. My rule of thumb is to always go a minimum of 10 miles over the speed limit..as long as the traffic is moving smoothly and its safe to do so..i do not drive 80 in construction zones..i learned my lesson years ago when i got a nice speeding ticket for 600 bucks..but i do feel its my unalienable right to drive like a bat out of hell at all times. I travel for a living and getting from point A to point B in the shortest amount of time makes my life easier and I have more play time to boot. I do not tailgate, I do however cuss like a trucker and flip them off when I finally get around the offending slow driver. IF someone is dumb enough to tailgait moi however I give them a "brakecheck" and if they dont back off another one just a tad harder..GET OFF MY ASS MORON I do not wish to have you in my trunk or backseat when the old codger in front of me brakes for no apparent friggin reason or the traffic suddenly comes to a screaching halt as its want to do in Hell-A or SD.. Now..if I am in the fast lane and doing at least 15 miles over the speed limit then I AINT MOVING OVER..its just that weaving around in and out of lanes at 85-95 mph is dangerous and frankly I am too old to be pulling that shit.. let the bozo in the honda that sounds like a fucking lawn mower go around me..i will catch his ass on the next hill anyways..

will this man be a yankme again? fuck i hope not..but he will not deny his love of pinstripes..fucker.. 

Messed w/the hair today..big mistake..

I do not know why I keep going back to this woman..she never does anything right. I did get a decent perm last year so I figured wtf..she shouldn't screw it up..but she did..yes ladies and gents I now look like a poodle..she swears it will loosen up but I told her prior to starting: "those rods look a tad smaller than the ones you used last time"...nah she said..they are the right size..WRONG NIMROD..they were way too friggin small..any helpful hints from the peanut gallery on how to loosen this shit up?

Just outside bakersfrigginfield. 

OK..this weeks embarrassing baseball moments..

I worked today..and its mutha's day..bfd..the ball and chain never even mentioned HMD(happy mothers day)..
i am feuding w/my son anyways so let's move on...it was an 11 hour workday to boot..but i digress..i get home and check the sunday baseball scores..and holy mother of god..is that a fucking typo?? THE DIAMONDBACKS AND THE PADRES GOT AN ASSWHIPPING OF GIGANTIC PUPORTIONS...dbacks lost to the pirates..those lowly ass pirates..who can not find their collective asses with BOTH hands.. dem pirates... beat the living bejesus out of the dbacks by a lovely score of: 16-2...the padres score at the hands of the cardinals is similar: 15-5 ...and i say to myself..after a dumbfounded silence..DID I REALLY NEED TO TOP THIS DAY OFF IN THIS METHOD?

I start foaming at the mouth and wiping it off with the back of my hand..my eyes are bulging out of their sockets (and it hurts mind you)....i say in an ever so slightly high-pitched voice: FUCK ME RUNNING..

at this point..the dogs and cats are lining up to exit the bedroom..baby the lab is first in line and although shes very old..she has found a new spring in her step and is beating feet like theres a steak on the floor in the kitchen with her name on it..sasha the whateverthehell she is little dog is second in line and has her nose at babys backside..shes infatuated w/baby's snatch it seems, so thats the only reason shes even in line..nicky the fat old poodle just sighs and gets in line..the cats scurry between the dogs legs and go up to the living room sounding like a herd of cattle at a full on run....

I consider the days events and lack thereof..i am afraid to check my voicemail..it could be the taxman leaving a message saying he was glad he finally found me &when do i plan on paying the 20k in back taxes i owe????

I make the executive decision to leave the voicemail unlistened to till monday morning..i put on ESPNNEWS to see if the suns are aligned wrong and other baseball teams have suffered a similar fate..yes there are others than got flogged by double digit runs...ok..i feel better now..its not just MY teams..three others look like pieces of shit on a well manicured lawn..praise jesus!!!! i can live with it now...i think..

oh..i got beat by double digit numbers in roughly half my fantasy baseball teams..i felt the need to inflict pain on myself to see if i was awake or possibly dreaming this shit..i am awake dammit..so..to all those mutha's out there i will say..hope you had a good sunday..if it was special in ANY way..consider yourself lucky..it could of been a real shit-ass day chicklet..take my word for it..

fuck..i am out of cigarettes..and its after midnight..this day is starting real good too :

oh fucking well..such is life sportsfans..that which does not kill us makes us stronger..at least thats what i tell myself to keep the demons at bay..either that or beat the shit out of my keyboard..typing this whiney ass blog out..i feel better already..

i love this picture..i just wanted to share it.. 

High-speed chases thru the streets of Bakersfrigginfield

ok..i know they happen everywhere..but this one was unique..it ran through my neighborhood, down my street in fact..and it was funny as hell!!!

Let me set the scene..I live in a very old shoddy 'hood..its called Oildale...i would tell you why its called that but i dont have time..its got narrow streets filled with children and cars..this area has a Bakersfrigginfield address but we are NOT part of the city..we are part of the county..this pisses off the city administration but tough shit..we like being different here in "08" land..anyways..i was taking a nap yesterday around sunset..and i hear screeching tires..no big deal..then i hear sirens..lots and LOTS of sirens..all going down my street..i count like six before i finally get my lard ass up and wander up to the front door to see whats up..the entire 'hood is standing in the street looking up the block..i cant go out..i am in my jammies..so i scream at the ball and chain to tell me whats up..then the sirens come around again..its a fucking parade of law enforcement! there are highway patrol cars, county sheriffs and city of Bakersfield PD who by the way are out of their juristiction..all chasing this not very new car..with sirens just wailing..they are winding in and out of the narrow streets doing at least 80..the guy being chased must of been having a great time..he jerked them out for almost 20 minutes..i heard strains of banjo music running thru my head during the fiasco..first he would go by one way..then come back one street over the other way..all the time "johnny law" following with a zillion sirens going.

he finally ran into an alley that had no outlet..he crashed his car and hid in someones hot-tub..the next block over..i kept waiting for the cops to run into each other trying to get there first..at least 15 of them in all..must of been a slow crime day or this guy was a real bad ass..the local rag didnt have shit on it this morning..the news guys say the cops wont release info on the whole affair..fuckers..

anyway it was a scene reminiscent of living in a "big" city..and one i havent seen in ages..a great time was had by all..got to catch up on the latest gossip in the 'hood too...i just dont think it was a good idea to fly thru the narrow residential streets at top speed..could of gotten real nasty real quick..the kids in this neighborhood aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer...but then..neither are the law enforcement dudes..

Our Elected Officials...god love em..er someone does

Who wouldn't love to jet to London, stay in a fancy suite, and watch the Wimbledon finals -- all for free? That's the kind of perk enjoyed by many members of the U.S. Congress. Sure, laws prohibit them from accepting gifts worth more than $50. But somehow expensive travel and entertainment aren't considered "gifts," so the tobacco and drug industries, trade groups, and everyone else who wants special favors ply Congress with free trips. A public broadcasting team, along with journalism graduate students, researched all the privately sponsored trips taken by members of the House and Senate since 2000. They discovered that lobbyists and other private groups spent over $14 million to fly our congresspersons around the world. Look up your own reps to see who's paying their airfare. Check out the bipartisan list of top travelers. Don't you wish your job got you golf trips and spa treatments?

the tennis shoe version of his joan crawford "fuck me" shoes.. 

The sincerest form of flattery..a tat of WDR's work 

Only a male could come up with this type of design

He goes by WDR.. WDR is short for William David Reichardt. His stuff is a trip if its nothing else..I love shoes so I really trip out on his shoe designs. I am sure this type of art has been around for awhile, but I just discovered it..thanks john..its all erotic and its all different types of erotica...the link to his bio is here: http://www.katmekat.com/tsubasa/index1.htm

The man is an american but developed some internet friendships w/people in Japan and discovered alot more than the uses for white rice evidently..

Pitcher Rincon newest small testes victim in MLB..

now..i am sure Rincon didnt think of the side effects when he was shooting up roids in his ass but he will have plenty of time to consider this and other things while he is suspended..HES A PITCHER..now at first i was like..what the fuck? a pitcher..then some lil nimrod on Sportscenter(who looks to have NEVER played baseball professionally) explaned how relief pitchers are the most likely to use roids since they pitch daily and have to be able to bounce back..who knew? not moi thats for sure..but it makes sense now..the biggest steroid abusers are not going to be the long ball hitters like bonds and canseco..its the middle relievers that lanquish in the bull pen till called upon to either save an ass or two..or just get some dipshit out..they cant even get into the hall of fame yet..there isnt a spot for middle relievers..hell, closers just got recognized last year with the election of former a's ace and fantastic closer Dennis Eckersley..wonder what size nads he has? cherry pits or the walnut variety? just curious folks..