Sex is a sport right?

Anyway..it was a rhetorical question. Seems in NY State everyone wants to play... from Fark:

20 Arrested in Westchester Highway Sex Sting

BEDFORD, NY (AP) -- Twenty men have been arrested in a sex sting at a Westchester County highway rest stop, including a Catholic priest, a registered sex offender and a local Rotary Club president.

Gee, no publicly elected officials?? I always find it amazing where men go to find sex..somehow a friggin rest stop just doesn't hit me as 'the' place to get laid..of course after reading the final paragraph, I can probably see why these particular fuckwits were hanging out there:

Most of the men have been charged with either loitering or trespass violations or both. One was charged with forcible touching, a misdemeanor. Four were charged with exposing themselves and two with public lewdness.

The pix is not related to the article..its just a great shot of a freak..the male variety, having sex with a blowup pig.

Happy Halloween my ass..

The only thing this day means is my only child was born two months early on this day. I ended up taking all his little friggin friends treat or treating and then a party at the homestead..At least it made it easy to remember his birthday..I am horrible with dates, anniversary's and that whole shtick. Thank god the lil bugger is old enough that I just give him some money that he will probably spend on pot or beer.

Joe Torre in Dodger Blue??

ESPN and everyone else on the planet is saying yes to that question..goodness..ain't that a fucking trip?

Grady Little, you weren't that bad but you weren't that good either..at least that is what the Dodger brass is intimating dude..sorry bout your luck.

The ball and chain is ecstatic about this news..personally I could give a rats hairy ass. I am afterall a Padres fan. Wish the Padres had gone after Torre but John Fuckwit Moores is a tight-assed sumbitch and about as intelligent as a box of fucking rocks..fits in with that idiot Spanos if you ask me..

But you didn't ask me did you..

EDIT: FoxSports is saying not so fast Dodgers..Joey can't make up his lil mind that fast. Perhaps Mattingly will take the job?

Tags: Joe Torre, Dodgers, Grady Little

Joe Girardi is the new Yanks Skipper

From a NYT alert, we find out that yes, Virginia, Joe Girardi has signed up to lead the Yank$ to the promised land. From the New York Times article:

Girardi was selected over Don Mattingly and Tony Peña, who were members of Torre's last coaching staff with the Yankees. "The Yankees have expressed interest in Joe becoming manager," Girardi's agent, Steve Mandel, said in a telephone interview Monday.

"We've decided to have discussions with them and we're moving forward. No timetable has been set, but it's a process we're letting take place." In selecting Girardi, the Yankees set in motion Mattingly's exit from the team. The former Yankees first baseman announced Monday he would be leaving the team.

Mattingly had been groomed to one day replace Torre as manager. Mattingly said it was his goal to manage whe he agreed — at the request of the principal owner, George Steinbrenner — to become the Yankees' hitting coach in October 2003.

Buh-bye Mattingly..guess the Yank$ just don't see you as managerial material dude..

Tags: Girardi, Yankees name new manager, Yankees

Boston sweeps the Rockettes for WS win

Good game, I had hopes that the Rockettes would come back and win so the series would go to 7 games..but sadly it was not to be. In a bit of irony, the NYT calls the BoSox the "premiere team of the millenium".

Boston Redsox win their second World Serious in less than 5 years. Of course thousands of fans hit the streets and lots of them were arrested..Meanwhile the Yank$ haven't won squat in that same amount of time. But the Yank$ did bid adieu to Joe Torre with a terrible offer they knew he wouldn't accept and..

ARod is now a free agent! Who is going to enter the ARod sweepstakes?

Now, its time to concentrate on my craptastic Fantasy Football teams..oh happy, happy..joy NOT! It's going to be a long-assed winter :(

tags: Red Sox, World Series, ARod

Its Boston over the Rockies by 2 games.

I lived in the Fenway also known as the "Fens" in the middle 70's. I have loved baseball since I was old enough to listen to games on the radio with my father. I could see the back side of the stadium and hear the crack of the bat and the roar of the crowd.

It was awesome. The games I could attend were some of the best I have ever seen. I throughly enjoyed my time in Boston and Cambridge. I still can see Carlton Fisk in my minds eye, his body english trying to guide the ball over the fence in the wee hours of the night. So it is with great pleasure I watch this years World Serious (not a typo). My sister marvels at the fact that I know all the players, even my husband looks at me with awe and complains that the Beantown players don't have their names on the backs of their jerseys.

I tell him thats the way baseball was in the old days..it saved money to be able to rotate those numbers and jersey to another player without buying new ones or changing the lettering.

I remember laying on the couch watching a game, and simultaneously listening to the crowd in the ball park. The glow of the Citgo sign lighting up the night.

I want the series to go 7 games. Because when it's over..so is baseball. That makes me mighty sad my dear reader.

Baseball is a wonderful diversion for me. It takes my mind away from the travesties that happen in our lives. It's makes me smile even after I have seen death and destruction as a daily occurance on the evening news.

So, I will amuse myself with Football until the end of January and then..sigh..Hockey in a half-assed sort of way.

Nothing is a good as baseball when it comes to a great diversion, its on everyday!. It's better for me than a couple of glasses of wine too, or so they tell me.

Michael Vick should get this sentence..

From MSNBC:

Tossing dog off balcony gets man 3 years in jail
S.C. man apologizes for injuring puppy during fight with girlfriend

CHARLESTON, S.C. - An incredulous judge sentenced a man to three years in prison for tossing a 10-week-old puppy off an apartment balcony during an argument with his girlfriend.

The Yorkiepoo, a cross between a Yorkshire terrier and a poodle, was in a soft-sided container but suffered head injuries and had to be put to death.

Javon Patrick Morris, 22, apologized for throwing the puppy off the third-floor balcony last March and pleaded guilty to animal cruelty.

"You mean he threw a helpless animal off three floors because he was mad at someone?" Circuit Judge Edward Cottingham asked a prosecutor before issuing the sentence Thursday.

The judge, who has owned nine dogs, said he was obligated to issue a tough sentence.

"There is nobody in this world that can understand that," Cottingham said.

He sentenced Morris to five years, suspended to three years in prison and two years of probation. Morris, who will be eligible for parole in 20 months, also was ordered to get anger management counseling.

"I've got to send a message to all dog lovers that we are going to protect that interest in our courtrooms," Cottingham said.

Vick will most likely get year at the most for his involvement in killing, training and fighting dogs..he will however face a state trial as well..so there is hope he will lanquish in jail a bit longer..

Ok..the BoSox kicked their collective ass last night..

Damn, I hate to say the game actually got boring. I started listening to music, guzzling wine and a host of other things.

No, I really didn't guzzle wine, but I was friggin bored.

Tonight is game two..can Boston kick their Colorado asses again? We shall see, Francis should of been the best they had and he looked horrible..

Later...

Tonight..the World Serious people!

I love this game. Its pathetic, I know..but I do. With the BoSox in it, I hope to see them pull off another memorable series.

Fark the Rockies..they just don't matter..I am happy for them they got this far, but those bible-thumping mofo's can kiss my ass.

The game starts in about half a hour. Fox does the World Series pretty well.

David Ortiz, Manny, all the boys in Beantown start it up tonight. Lets rock and roll gents.

SoCal is burning...

I am a native San Diegan, although I don't live there now..I live north of LA. But most of my family lives in San Diego and Escondido. My sister whom I was just down visiting with last week is now evacuating her home in Scripps Ranch. Scripps wasn't anywhere near the fire area at 8am this morning.

There are over 8 major fires burning just in San Diego county alone. I can watch the carnage live and in burning color on the internets..but it doesn't make me feel any better knowing my sister and her family are having to leave their house.

She was hysterical when I talked to her a few minutes ago. It broke my heart. I don't know what to do at this point but stare blankly at the laptop and watch my favorite place in the world go up in flames.

They are burning to the ocean. The beach cities of Del Mar and Solana beach of being evacutated now too.

Four years ago this week was the last huge fire in San Diego..the Cedar fire. That one came close to my sister..but they didn't have to evacuate. In fact, they housed friends and their pets for weeks that lost their homes.

My sister is frantic, she just called and she can't even get out of her own neighborhood..its a clusterfuck. Everyone waited too long..

I am so sad..I am scared..I am tired of watching orange flames lick up and down the canyons.
I gotta go, my sister is on the phone again. My Dad might be getting the evacuation call now.

Christ it is so fucked up down there.

It all comes down to tonight for the Fenway faithful..

They have managed to come back from the abyss, those Boston Redsox boyz. I was skeptical that they would..but they haven't let me down..yet.

The 7th game is just getting underway..and I will watch with anticipation and some nail-biting I am sure.

Christ, I love this time of year..for either the Indians or the BoSox, it will be the end of the season.

I am off to watch and possibly weep..adieu.

EDIT: There is no sorrow in BOSOXVILLE tonight..the boyz from Beantown won..and won big..bring on the Rockies!

New Hybrid Hummer

New Hybrid SUV

September 2007. For Immediate release: H4 - The Hummer Hybrid !

(ACPA-Detroit) General Motors, maker of the Hummer line of Sport Utility Vehicles, have announced that the fourth generation of Hummer will come with a Hybrid engine. The move follows extensive criticism of their continued production of high gas consumption vehicles which have been linked to Global Warming.

Announcing the move Sara Greene, the aptly named Company Environmental Affairs officer stated, "You spoke, we listened, and we are delighted to confirm that the H4 will come with a highly efficient and compact Hybrid engine". " We expect to increase our bottom line and bring in new customers with this move".

Scheduled to hit the market in 2008, GM have chosen a retro VW Beatle style with the engine placed in the trunk-space. Spokeswoman Greene stated "We think this will appeal to the demographic who once drove those hippy vehicles and now consider themselves to be environmentalists."

Easy to remove!

Recognizing that the hybrid engine will reduce the space available in the Trunk, GM confirmed that the new engine will be encased in a light aluminum wheeled-frame so that it can easily be shifted around inside the trunk to maximize storage.

GM did point out a downside admitting the additional weight of having a hybrid engine in the trunk will reduce overall gas mileage. To solve this problem the auto giant is recommending that buyers remove the engine completely and store it in the garage. "This way you will get the best MPG we can provide and still feel good about having a hybrid engine at the same time" stated Greene.

The Hybrid engine will be lifted out at the dealership for H4 buyers who don't want one. Its expected that H5 will have the engine stored away discreetly beside the spare wheel.

Greene concluded the announcement noting that "the thousands of protest letters you sent us will now be carefully recycled".

End press release www.satireandcomment.com

Dbacks, Rockies advance in MLB playoffs..

Yesterday both the Rockies and the Dbacks swept their respective opponents to advance to the next level of the baseball playoffs.

This does make me smile since both teams are in the NL West. My condolences to the Cub's fans..you guys got hosed again. Sucks don't it?

As for which team will come out the victor and represent the NL in the World Serious..I don't have a friggin clue..I am after all, a Padre fan. But I do hope one of them will be victorious and get 'the ring'.

Unless Boston is in the WS..then all bets are off!

Let the firings begin!!!

Ok, the regular season is over and hence the firings and retirement of managers and GM's has begun. Get your scorecards out kiddies..

St. Louis Cards..GM Jocketty steps down

MN Twins...GM Ryan steps down

Pirates...GM Littlefield is shitcanned as is Manager Jim Tracy

Astros...Shitcan Manager Phil Garner AND GM Purpura

Royals...Buddy Bell retires as Manager

Baltimore O's...GM Jim Duquette resigns

Mariners...Manager cans his entire staff in a move to save his own ass

Thats the current list..if I forgot someone..too fucking bad

Tags: Baseball firings, The Silly Season begins

RIAA sends message...

From the PugBus:

DULUTH, Minn. – The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) prevailed yesterday in its efforts to stamp out copyright infringement by Native American single mothers of two children.

Jammie Thomas, 30, who was found guilty of "musical terrorism" related to alleged online music-sharing activities, now owes the RIAA $222,000 for making twenty-four songs, including Sarah McLachlan's 'Building a Mystery,' available to others via the file sharing network Kazaa. That works out to $9,167 per song or $110,000 per twelve-song CD.

"This verdict sends a message to all Native American single mothers who flout the law," said the RIAA's lead attorney, Richard Gabriel. "No cohort, no matter how small, marginally employed, or strapped for cash, is safe."

Speaking on the courthouse steps following the verdict, Ms. Thomas maintained that she was innocent of all charges.

"Sarah McLachlan's 'Building a Mystery?'" she laughed. "Give me a break. They must have planted that one on my hard drive."

Ms. Thomas' attorney, Richard Bratton, said he planned to appeal the decision.

"This case is a long way from being decided," he said. "By the time this one makes its way through the courts, the price of a CD may well be $110,000."

Of course this piece is a humor piece..but the fact remains the assholes at the RIAA are giddy over this ruling. I hope the appeals courts shoot it down..and thereby shut them the fuck up.

Tags: RIAA, music piracy

Fox sports Exec struck by lightening..

From the SportsPickle:

Fox Sports president Bob Goren was struck and killed by a lightning bolt sent directly at hit from God this morning while considering adding “comedian” Dane Cook to the network’s baseball playoffs broadcast tandem of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

“I usually don’t like to get closely involved in stuff like this,” said God. “Sports aren’t too high on My list of priorities. But Fox is broadcast television. That means it gets beamed out into the heavens, and there’s no way I wanted to hear those guys together. Maybe Goren wasn’t even seriously considering it, who knows. I guess we’ll never know. But I had to play it safe. Buck and McCarver are bad enough – but Dane Cook, too? God help us all. And He did. You’re welcome.”

Thank you God..Timmy is trying enough..Bless you Lord.

Tags: Dane Cook

Padres, Mets To Attend Steinbrenner 'Choke Camp'

From CAP news:

NEW YORK (CAP) - The New York Mets held a 7-game lead in their division as late as September 12. The San Diego Padres held a two run lead in the 13th inning of the game to decide the NL wildcard, with baseball's all-time saves leader on the mound. Both teams suffered monumental collapses and will miss the post-season. Times seem bleak for both organizations, but all hope is not lost.

While they won't be hoisting any trophies or blinding friends and family with World Series bling, the Mets and the Padres have secured something that may be even more valuable - slots at George Steinbrenner's annual conference, "Losing Big, Feeling Shame, And Coming Back: In Sports And In Life", to be held next month in New York City.

Known in sports circles as Choke Camp, the conference has become the premier gathering for losers looking to pick up the pieces after devastating, embarrassing losses.

"We look forward to having the Mets and the Padres attend this year's event," said conference organizer Dillon Erickson. "Both teams choked in a big, big way, and both will have lots of sharing to do with regard to their feelings of shame, guilt, remorse, and embarrassment.

"Only after the sharing can come the healing, and only after the healing can come the willingness to go out in public without a paper bag over one's head," Erickson noted.

Steinbrenner founded Choke Camp in 2004, following the New York Yankees' historic, unimaginable, and downright humiliating loss to the Boston Red Sox in the American League playoffs. Undoubtedly professional sports' biggest flop, the Yankees were left stunned and looking for answers. That's when Big George stepped in and started the conference, as a way for his team to gather with other losers in an attempt to find the answer to the ever-elusive question: why?

"Mr. Steinbrenner cares greatly for the Yankees," said a Yankee intern who identified himself only as 'Jason' during a phone interview with CAP News. "He loves the team, and he loves the players, and he loves the staff. He couldn't bear to see all the pain that filled Yankee Stadium in 2004. The conference was his way to fill the holes in our hearts with faith and love. Each year, we have so many more needy people who want to attend than slots available, but we're happy to hold places for both the Padres and the Mets for this year's event.

"Oops, I've got to run, that's Michigan's football coach on the other line," said 'Jason'.

Others such as noted clinical psychologist Tania Manis are not sold on Steinbrenner's efforts, calling the gathering "a farce, a carnival side show."

"Basically, you've just got a bunch of losers gathered together for a week to talk about how much they suck, and who sucks worse," said Manis. "What they really need to do is get back on the practice field, get back in the gym, stop whining, work harder, and they'll be back on track for success.

"I mean, for real - the key note speaker at this thing is Doctor Phil. Doctor Phil? Are you kidding me?" said an exasperated Manis. "The only sport that guy is qualified to speak on is the Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest, and that's only because he's a lard-ass."

Choke Camp 2007 will be filmed for a documentary tentatively titled, I'm A Loser Baby, So Why Don't You Kill Me?, to be released in the summer of 2008. Chris Webber is slated to host the film.

Tags: Padres, Mets,

The Seagull from Hell..

This seagull is a thief..take a minute and watch the video..he actually steals Dorito's from the store..I shit you not!

Death and the art of dying..

Suicide is such a huge dramatic statement. That someone of the tender age of 32 would do it and leave 4 little kids and a woman that loved him is beyond me.

That he wouldn't leave a note really freaks me out too. If your going to stage your death, don't you want people to know why your going to all the trouble to do it?

His funeral put asses in the seats. He was loved, make no doubts about that my dear reader..they said they hadn't seen a turnout of that magnitude in freaking ages..

But his illness got the best of him, and for that he must be forgiven. At least that is the way I think of it now..he was bi-polar. That our Medicare system constantly fucked with him about his meds doesn't please me one fucking iota. It makes me want to beat someone to a bloody pulp.

But I do know thats wrong too..and two wrongs don't make a right. Damn it.

I can understand his death at that level however. Because I have been there and thought about doing that. Too many times to count. Debilitating physical illness will do that to a normally sane individual.

But I have always come back from the edge my dear reader. I have found a reason to keep 'keeping on'. Chris didn't, and I am filled with emotional pain that no vicodin, xanax or muscle relaxer can take away.

Which is probably what he felt at the end. The suffocating emotional pain that washes over you and won't let you up for air no matter what you take or what you do.

At least his pain is over. I am glad for that, it is my only saving grace to take away from this experience. His demons are at rest.

It just leaves the living to figure it the fuck out and move on.