New Hybrid SUV
September 2007. For Immediate release: H4 - The Hummer Hybrid !
(ACPA-Detroit) General Motors, maker of the Hummer line of Sport Utility Vehicles, have announced that the fourth generation of Hummer will come with a Hybrid engine. The move follows extensive criticism of their continued production of high gas consumption vehicles which have been linked to Global Warming.
Announcing the move Sara Greene, the aptly named Company Environmental Affairs officer stated, "You spoke, we listened, and we are delighted to confirm that the H4 will come with a highly efficient and compact Hybrid engine". " We expect to increase our bottom line and bring in new customers with this move".
Scheduled to hit the market in 2008, GM have chosen a retro VW Beatle style with the engine placed in the trunk-space. Spokeswoman Greene stated "We think this will appeal to the demographic who once drove those hippy vehicles and now consider themselves to be environmentalists."
Easy to remove!
Recognizing that the hybrid engine will reduce the space available in the Trunk, GM confirmed that the new engine will be encased in a light aluminum wheeled-frame so that it can easily be shifted around inside the trunk to maximize storage.
GM did point out a downside admitting the additional weight of having a hybrid engine in the trunk will reduce overall gas mileage. To solve this problem the auto giant is recommending that buyers remove the engine completely and store it in the garage. "This way you will get the best MPG we can provide and still feel good about having a hybrid engine at the same time" stated Greene.
The Hybrid engine will be lifted out at the dealership for H4 buyers who don't want one. Its expected that H5 will have the engine stored away discreetly beside the spare wheel.
Greene concluded the announcement noting that "the thousands of protest letters you sent us will now be carefully recycled".
End press release www.satireandcomment.com
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