Thursday, January 03, 2008 | By: Dusty Taylor

Ocular penetration must be stopped.

Live From Congress: The Skull Fucking Bill Of 2007

From the Satirical Political report we get this gem of humor:

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About the Iowa Caucuses, *But Were TRULY Afraid To Ask
By Don Davis

Sure, all you know-it-all political junkies think you know it all about the arcana of the Iowa caucus. But here are the cold hard facts that the mainstream media doesn’t want you to know:

Q. Which way is the “cross-over” vote expected to go?

A: As in most years, independents tend to vote Democratic, but this year the GOP is expected to draw the vast majority of cross-dressers.

Q. Is it true that if a candidate doesn’t reach the 15% threshold, there’s horse-trading among the caucus-goers?

A: True, but also trading of cows, pigs, chickens and goats.

Q. Doesn’t the entire caucus procedure violate the sanctity of the “secret ballot?”

A: Well, yes, but ever since The Bushinistas hired Diebold, the government knows how you’re voting anyway.

Q. Doesn’t the 7 p.m. starting time of the caucuses discriminate against single mothers and night-shift workers?

A: Sure, but that’s balanced out by the fact that the farmers also are excluded, since they hit the hay at 6 p.m.

Q. Isn’t it unfair that a small percentage of voters exercise such a disproportionate weight in the voting for the highest office in the land?

A: That’s only the case if you look at the number of voters in Iowa– if you look at their actual weight, then they’re actually underrepresented.

Q: How about the lack of diversity in Iowa?

A: While it’s true that blacks constitute only about 2.5% of Iowans, the largely German population traces their ancestry to such disparate regions as Berlin, Brandenburg and Bavaria.

Q. Ultimately, will voters value “experience” or “change?”

A: After 7 years of George W. Bush, the voters seem prepared to go for anyone experienced enough to give them the correct change.

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