Monday, January 01, 2007 | By: Dusty Taylor

Today, the first f**king day of the year..

And my mommie dearest is in the hospital in San Diego. Now, she's been there for a week, so its not as bad as it sounds..really. My sister whom she came out to visit has said when the ol biddie gets out of the hospital, she needs to move to another relatives house..she no longer wishes to deal with mommie dearest.

Who the fuck does?

Nothing will blow your holiday mood like dealing with my crotchetty, self-absorbed, COPD-suffering mother. Believe me folks..this bitch takes the cake. She is rude, negative, condescending and really insufferable..just take my word ok? She was moved to another "care center" since she wasn't really sick any longer, as much as an over-fucking-dramatic windbag of a bitch who thinks the world rises and sets on her ass.

Think Fred Sanford but will a little more money and female.

The phone lines have been buzzin all morning: this sista, that sista..my father..and back again. Its all so hard to swallow when your watching bowl games and smoking one. I want to enjoy my day as much as I am able. I deserve it for the love of god. This woman who couldn't parent her way out of a wet paper bag wants my undivided attention when there isn't anything medically necessary right now can kiss my ass.

There, I said it.

She needs to suck it up and deal. She isn't dying yet. She pulls this every christmas/new years season. I swear as god is my witness. No one asks her to migrate to Cali each winter and live with one of her daughters and make their poor lives a living hell. But she comes out anyway.

Not my fucking house, no sir ree bob. I tell her no room in the inn..just like for poor Jesus and his mom, ya know?

It works..why change?

I hope they figure it out down there. I have never been so fucking glad to live in the agriculture capital of the U.S..the San Joaquin Valley..in my life as now.

Back to my bowl and the bowl games...

8 people gave us their .02 cents:

Seamus said...

I see a dark comedy in this - think of the $ if you write it! Hollywood needs new stuff anyway since they seem to be on this whole "groundhog day" theme!

Draw deep and breathe easy! ;)

dusty said...

Seamus..thats what it is!!!!!! A very dark comedy..thats how I treat it..

Thanks for seeing the humor :)

Bruce said...

The Talking Heads' "Life During Wartime" comes to mind...

dusty said...

I don't know that one B..you gotta put it up on your site dear :)

Bruce said...

Try this

JUST A MOM said...

OMGOSH my cousin was NOT kidding,, you are MY BROTHER!!!!! We both have the same mommie dearest, only mine is in Arizona only 3 miles away from me. AND I do NOT have any siblings to share the shit head with. I am at this point counting in at 2 and 1/2 months of not talking to the old bitty. She calls ME the "wacky" one when it is HER all these years. POOR OLD WOMAN hopfully will die soon and rid the world of her shit, So there brother come on over for coffee some time.

The Stiltwalker said...

you are f-ing hilarious!

dusty said...

Stilt..if it wasn't true..it would be pathetic girl..just saying..