its time to put up or shutup..i need to move on i think..the ball and chain has driven me nuts for the last friggin time! his self-centered attitude has taken its last toll on my psyche. My son is my only child, and if i choose to buy him a fucking cell phone, then so be it! the ball and chain has the nads to open his yap about it. he wants to know who is going to pay the bill each month. I say "I will till he pays YOU for the truck he bought". The ball and chain has the nads to then say "if YOU think YOU can afford it." I work my ass off when i work. I literally keep 16 hour days for two weeks at a time, i drive up to 8 hours a day just so i can sleep in my own fucking bed at night. I DONT get a day off for weeks at a time..and this fat fuck says to me "if you think you can afford it?" He will move heaven and earth when he wants something..doesnt matter if we got a couple bills that could use that cash, he wants to go to vegas, the rest of the world be damned! He bought ME a new car he says, when in reality he bought the car so he could get his chunky ass to vegas without having to worry about breaking down in the damn desert. I would of been happy with the older model we looked at, but he insisted on the new model and now...that fat fuck wants to jerk me out about the car? does he have fucking alzheimers? how can one man constantly turn things around so he comes out smelling like a friggin rose all the time. back to my son....i can curse him, i can wish he would move the hell out, i can bitch my everloving ass off about him, but damnit...if i want to buy the kid a friggin cell phone, by god i am going to do it. Is 40 bucks gonna break me? hell no, i spend that much in one day on a pair of shoes, just means one less pair of shoes for mama..

i have been trying to figure out when to leave him. its not a question of IF i am leaving him..only when. we have very little in common and my tolerance for dipshits runs very thin lately. I give up alot to live with him..like my life. I used to make excuses for staying with him, now..i have to tell myself to wait awhile..dont move too quickly, dont just bail..think it out..but i always bail..toss a few things in the car and say adios mutha fucka...keep the furniture,house,dogs,bank accounts....just let me the hell outta here! I find it very easy to leave everything behind when i feel my time is up. my sanity is more important than worldly possessions..you can buy a new couch, you cant buy a new ego..an ego is a fragile thing..it can be crushed by worthless men that think controlling you is a great hobby, a way to pass the time when they have nothing better to do..or the bar is closed..

do i bail again..or do i plan this so i get to take something with me this time besides my clothes and a cat named scooter. somehow it just doesn't seem to matter, the physical trappings of my life. My sanity is at stake..my self esteem. I would trade everything i have (cept scooter)for a good man that can appreciate my better qualities and give me my space. I am not a clingy female, i dont need to be told i love you every ten minutes. i dont need to be included in everything he does..i give him his space, i fucking expect mine! if he can do what he wants..then you dumb bastard..it goes the other way too! i dont suffocate him, i expect the same thing in return. i dont tell him what to do and when to do it. i give him his freedom, to do what he wants, with who he wants, when he wants to do it. he can do ANYTHING this side of cheating on me..thats the only ground rule. I EXPECT THE SAME ! if i cant have equality, this romance is over dude..actually..its been over for a long time..i have just been playing the hand out..i gave it the ol college try..fuck it..i am gone..